I was in a dom/sub relationship and didn’t realize it until it was over. whenever he wanted me (s**,talk,attention,etc.) he’d call my phone, no matter where i was work or my apartment, and he’d just say “come here.” And i’d make my way to his house as fast as possible. I’d drop everything i’m doing and go to him. every time i came he wanted my clothes off. I had been single for some time before and my last relationship ended badly. I hadn’t had any love, intimacy, or even someone’s else’s touch in months. he made me feel wanted. so i always stripped. he was always very dominant and rough. at times i would scream for him to stop or at least be easier, and he’d caress my face, then slap me. and he’d continue until he was ready to stop. after id be uncomfortable and ready to leave, then he tells me come here. he wraps his arms around me and holds me close to him. kissing my forehead and playing in my hair. i’m confused at this point i didn’t know what to think or do. i was so uneasy and then i just felt so warm and safe. when he was ready for me to leave he’d say, “i need you to leave”, and i would get up and grab my things and id go. he didn’t like to text or talk on the phone unless he calls. so i wouldn’t speak to him again(told me not to text) until he called me with “come here” and it was like i was in this trance to where every hug, kiss, touch, and forehead kiss was the most amazing thing i every experienced in my life. so much that i would bypass his manipulation as just “how he is”. i had a bit of a belly, and he gave me an entire work out plan and diet changes. he’d monitor how often i worked out. i had to tell him when i started and tell him when i finished. some days he would want me at his place to work out. so he can see what i’m doing and if i’m doing it right. if i wasn’t doing it right we worked on it for hours until i got it right. then he’d send me home. i put so much trust and the huge feeling of safety in him. One night, i was have a down day, and i came over i was crying. he held me, asked what was wrong and i told him i felt weak and numb. he left the room, and came back with a knife. i was concerned but i trusted him so much i wasn’t afraid. “i know he would never hurt me.” he pushed me onto the floor, put his hand left hand on my face, and with his right he slid this this knife down my stomach. it was so close to me skin. i held my breath so i wouldn’t cut myself. he push the knife down on my stomach, not deep but it hurt and i felt it scratch. i was in shock, i felt like i couldn’t move. he brought it up to my neck and did the same. the he asked “are you numb now? what do you feel”. i wanted to answer numb, but i didn’t know how far he’d go with the knife. i just said i feel. i feel. he took the knife off of me. put it in the sink, kissed my forehead, and told me he’d like for me to leave. if i missed a call, he’d come to my place and ask why i didn’t answer. to which ended up on me going with him, and him doing what he wanted because i missed his call. i convinced myself he was just protective and caring. not too long after, he asked me if i loved him, and i told him i did. and he said to me, “you know we’re not together right? like i’m not your boyfriend.” i was so confused but i wouldn’t raise an argument. i just nodded my head. then he told me, that since i said i loved him, he felt our time together “felt too much like a relationship.” and he doesn’t want that. i asked if we could be friends. i felt like i needed him for some reason. i was dependent on validation from him. he told me that’s not possible, and told me to get out of him house. i cried and asked why and he told me my tears didn’t mean anything. i grabbed my things and he was standing at the door holding it open. when i walked out of his door; i was blocked on everything. never spoken to again. it hurt so bad at first, until i looked back at the last 5 months. and then i realized that every single thing i’d ever done was what he wanted from me. and i gave him it all. i didn’t have that control, that person telling me what to do and when. someone directing my every move. i couldn’t believe id allow someone to control me like that, and never questioned it. i need some sense of security and i let myself be taken over.