I’ve never had any friends

I’m in my late twenties and never had any friends. I’ve never had a best friend. I’ve had one certain girl pretend to be my friend so she can tell her real friends all my secrets and make fun of me. In middle school I tried really, embarrassingly, hard to make friends but I was always rejected. Maybe there’s a sign above my head that says something that makes people not like me.

I’ve never a first consensual kiss. I was sexually abused as a child, even so, I always dreamed of all the milestones I’d experience as a teenager, but never had. I have never even held hands with a boy. Boys I had crushes on would ask me out as a joke and they and their friends would mock me until I dropped out. I had to finish high school in home study.

My entire life I have only felt completely lonely and never had anyone want to be close to me. I tried hard to be social and make friends - it fails every time. I wish I knew what is wrong with me that makes every person I encounter immediately not like me.

No amount of therapy has helped and it hurts a lot. I’m trying my best to live with the fact I’ll never have friends, never meet a man that’ll love me, never fall in love, never marry, and never have children. I’d do anything to just be okay with all of that already.

Mar 20, 2021

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  • I wish I knew you IRL. I've also never had any friends, and i'm 32. I also really want friends and a girlfriend, but I have no idea how to do any of that, and i've never met anyone who's in anywhere near the same situation as me. I wasn't sexually abused, but I grew up in a very violent household and constantly saw my mother beaten up and sometimes i'd get beaten too and would get grounded until my bruises healed, except this happened all the time and spend most of my childhood locked up in my room. As a result, I just never learned how to socialize, and I have some very serious social anxiety and often just can't bring myself to speak to strangers unless I have alcohol. I've tried making friends, and have tried to get a girlfriend, but no one ever wants anything to do with me beyond first conversation, and it's probably because i'm too awkward, nervous, and socially inept. It makes me extremely depressed, sad, and lonely.

    Something I recently discovered that I wish I knew about earlier is the subreddit r/socialskills. There's so much info there about how to build social skills. What i'm doing right now is reading over that subreddit, going into chatrooms to speak to people, soon i'll start using omegle to try and learn how to do it better, applying what I learned in that subreddit. I'm also trying to think positively(definitely not easy) and repeatedly giving myself peptalks, working out to lose weight and get ripped and muscular, and eventually i'm going to go out there and try socializing, i'm going to try and get better at it and try to force myself to get over my social anxiety. I've set up step by step plans that i'm forcing myself to just follow. I'm saying all this to see if it helps to give you some ideas on how to improve yourself and maybe turn your life around just as i'm trying to do with mine.

  • Gets overwhelming as it goes on and sets itself in as routine.. , unless you embraces it. Enjoy your uncompromisising schedule and particular quirks or deviations ..lol still get what you need from others warmth good chats witty debates.. Benders and flirts with an idea. Get down with your demons xo they have mad powers

  • Why is it important to find try that
    " special person " and be in a relationship ?
    It may never happen and that is probably for the best.
    You are better off alone .
    Like me ,learn to depend on the one person that won't lie to you or mistreat you - YOURSELF.
    People lie, cheat and are generally out for themselves.
    I with 60 years of experience.
    I'm alone and I love it.
    My last dodgy relationship was sixteen years ago and she was s******* another geezer behind my back.
    Happens all the time.
    Now I love my sports car only and I know she'll never let me down
    Trust me, you're better off on your own.
    Life is a b**** and then you die.

  • I really hate responses like this. You don't get it, you don't understand the extreme loneliness and misery of knowing that you're completely missing out on such a fundamental human experience that almost everyone that has ever existed gets to have. It feels very inhuman, it makes you feel inferior, worthless, it makes it feel like there's no point to life. Learning how to be happy alone is not a solution.

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