I’ve never had any friends
I’m in my late twenties and never had any friends. I’ve never had a best friend. I’ve had one certain girl pretend to be my friend so she can tell her real friends all my secrets and make fun of me. In middle school I tried really, embarrassingly, hard to make friends but I was always rejected. Maybe there’s a sign above my head that says something that makes people not like me.
I’ve never a first consensual kiss. I was sexually abused as a child, even so, I always dreamed of all the milestones I’d experience as a teenager, but never had. I have never even held hands with a boy. Boys I had crushes on would ask me out as a joke and they and their friends would mock me until I dropped out. I had to finish high school in home study.
My entire life I have only felt completely lonely and never had anyone want to be close to me. I tried hard to be social and make friends - it fails every time. I wish I knew what is wrong with me that makes every person I encounter immediately not like me.
No amount of therapy has helped and it hurts a lot. I’m trying my best to live with the fact I’ll never have friends, never meet a man that’ll love me, never fall in love, never marry, and never have children. I’d do anything to just be okay with all of that already.