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Eating
I binge at night. When my family is asleep I come downstairs and I eat. I eat as much as I can. I stuff myself like a pig and it's why I'm fat. It's why my face is round and I have a double chin. It's why I can't fit into normal sized clothes or chairs with arms. Its why I can't run or go up a flight of steps without breaking into a sweat. I binge and it feels so good and it's destroying my body. Sometimes when I find a new stretch mark or outgrow another pair of pants I feel ashamed and I'll want to punish myself for being such a gross fat pig, so I'll eat even more until it hurts. I feel out of control and scared. I repulse myself and feel turned on all at the same time. I hate this about me but I don't want to stop. I want to see how far I will go. How out of control will I get? How fat? How unhealthy? I think I need help, but I want to know what will happen if I don't get it. I'm honestly terrified that I feel this way because I'm doing it. Every night I'm doing it to myself. I'm gorging on junk and watching it manifest itself all over my big heavy growing body. I'm actively ruining my body. Internally with massive doses of fat sugar and salt. I can feel my health slipping away, but what excites me is the visual manifestation of that. I can see the damage I'm doing. The shameful excessive gluttony is visible and obvious and getting worse every day. I barely recognize myself in the mirror. Who is this fat disgusting blob? I've changed so much. Grown so much. My features distorted by fat. My limbs thick and heavy to lift, my hips wide, my waist gone - overwhelmed with flab that forms tire-like rolls that hug me and hang down to my cellulite covered thighs. I'm grotesque. Obese. That is what I did. That is me and more and more it is all I am as i slip deeper and deeper into this morbid endeavor. There is so much of me now and I am almost gone.
I have to add, that I am biased as my wife is probably 270lbs heavier than you. I never thought I'd want her that fat, but I do love she has gotten that fat. I don't consider myself a feeder, but definately an enabler, I haven't forced her to gain weight. She loves food, loves to eat, being spoiled & pampered & just eaten herself fatter & fatter. She was concerned, conflicted at times as she gained more weight, but came to a realisation that this is her, eventually embracing she was gaining more weight.
Wow, how heavy was she when you met her? Did she want to get that huge, like did it turn her on like it is for me? I haven't shut the door on therapy yet, but so far I've just been forcing as many calories into me as I can without actually popping. It just keeps getting worse. I was thinking that I don't want to spend the money on therapy, but it must be cheaper than all the food I'm buying.
She wasn't heavy when I met her, but always loved to eat. She gained & lost weight after having our children, but never got back to being the size she was. She didn't want to get fat but slowly gained weight, then I started enabling her & she got bigger. The bigger she got the more I enabled her, till she got to your size & was eating more, she just got fatter. Into the high 500's it was turning her on, loving me taking her on lunch dates etc... & eating huge amounts. She told me she would get fatter as she knew how much it turned me on & turned her on that all the weight did that to me. She has just gotten fatter & fatter. Couple months back she was 283cm around the waist & tells me she is so nice & fat.
Your wife is absolutely enormous and I love that she is happy that way. I don't know if I will ever be, but I am set on getting there either way. Thank you for sharing and trying to help me. I seriously may still go for therapy some day, but I'm all in on piling on as much weight as possible. I am going to hit 500 and I am not stopping.
Hope I have helped. Maybe you might find yourself happiness as you get fatter & accept it. I also hope you find a loving person to help you, cherish you. Yep, my wife is enormous, I say around the 730 mark & continues to eat & eat. I do find myself feeling some guilt at times as I can't stop myself from enabling her to get so fat, but god it turns me how fat she is & getting fatter. She could end up like the woman in that link, but even that thought turns me on.
Even what you have said in your recent replies is hot to me, get nice & fat.