How do I know it’s time for a divorce?

I really love my husband. But I don’t think he feels the same. We are married, homeowners , and have 3 kids. Every day I feel like I walk on eggshells. Never knowing if what I’m going to say is going to cause a negative reaction. I know by now it sounds easy to say “just leave”. But it really is harder than that. I’m 30 and I feel like I’m wasting my youth being with someone who doesn’t value my ideas and opinions. I tell him all the time how I feel, why I feel the way I feel. And we get into an argument and then he tells me he loves me and is just stressed. I have a good job. My credit is a few points shy of 700. Which is amazing considering what it was just a year ago. I’m afraid of making this decision and it negatively impact my children. Afraid of making the wrong decision. I have never stepped out on him, but he has a couple times. The last time was when I was pregnant with our first boy a year ago (we have 3 girls). He was not thrilled I chose to keep the baby. He would constantly berate me, and I couldn’t understand why. I ended up losing the baby at 20 weeks. And then found all these messages between him and this woman throughout the duration of my pregnancy. He attributed it to the fact I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to. (Meaning I didn’t have a job - even though he had me as a housewife). Things have changed now. I have a better grasp on my finances.

I don’t know if he’s still cheating..
And I’m sure by now you think I’m an idiot.
But I’m really at a loss. I just want some direction. Should I keep trying? Hoping things will get better and that he’s just stressed with work?
Should I just go ahead and file for a divorce??
He had me sign a quitclaim deed during our refinance. He said it would be better for my debt to income so I can buy my own house. Looking back I feel that was dumb on my part as this house is so beautiful. But I guess now I can move on and buy my own house if it really comes down to it. Everyday I get sad. Everyday I end up crying. Everyday I ask myself why am I here. I’m just mostly concerned for my kid’s and the “what now”. If I leave what happens next??? I’ve been with this person since 2012. Living this life since 2012 and it’s like do I want to live beautifully in misery?? Or leave and create my own beauty over time..

I know deep down this is not the life long vision of a marriage I had hoped I’d have. But I’m still hanging on to a glimmer of hope that one day he’ll change.

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  • This is really hard to answer of what you should do.
    I was married to my first wife and thar was not going well but I tried to work through it, but in the end after 7 years of trying sand not getting her to talk about problems she Didn't want to talk and get mad about things that never happened except in her head. I finally had to let it go and it ended in divorce.
    An
    I have you mention that I have been married over 30 years and. Most happy, I got hurt and I was the Biggest J*** to my wife because they put me on antidepressants for pain. And it worked by lowering my pain but it turned me into the worst husband, but my wife stuck with me and after 15 year's I finally found the right Dr. that could help me out if my pain and I could go back to being a decent husband to my wife.
    And we're back to having a great marriage again and have fun!!
    So this is different than you, but was he always like this or recent?
    Dose he really talk to you or dose he withdraw and get angry over little things?
    You said you walk on egg she'll because of him, was he all ways like this or recent?
    When you look at your marriage did you try marriage counseling?
    After some real soul searching you really have to live with yourself in the end, how do you feel about this working out in the future?
    If you give it your best shot and put it out there to fix it and it can not be fixed, then you have to walk.
    But walk with the confidence that you did your best and no matter what you did nothing worked.
    Then you must find a new place to start.
    One thing bothers me though, he had you sign a quick claim on the house, why did he do this?
    This part bothers me alot..
    You have to make up your mind about your future!!!
    Just my thought about it..

  • Stay, enjoy your house and find a playmate on the side, or leave. He’s a J***!

  • So hard to make those decisions. You don't sound happy though and you have to ask yourself if you stay, in 5 years if it gets much worse will you have made a mistake to stay with him ?

  • Don't divorce. i read between the lines that it is all about you. i read me and me and me or else. women have ways to turn things around. that last thing you should ever consider is a divorce. you have kids-a house why slip in misery and start the race again. do you think the new life is greener? to make things better think that your marriage is two people with two different ideas without common ground? who's fault?

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