How do I know it’s time for a divorce?
I really love my husband. But I don’t think he feels the same. We are married, homeowners , and have 3 kids. Every day I feel like I walk on eggshells. Never knowing if what I’m going to say is going to cause a negative reaction. I know by now it sounds easy to say “just leave”. But it really is harder than that. I’m 30 and I feel like I’m wasting my youth being with someone who doesn’t value my ideas and opinions. I tell him all the time how I feel, why I feel the way I feel. And we get into an argument and then he tells me he loves me and is just stressed. I have a good job. My credit is a few points shy of 700. Which is amazing considering what it was just a year ago. I’m afraid of making this decision and it negatively impact my children. Afraid of making the wrong decision. I have never stepped out on him, but he has a couple times. The last time was when I was pregnant with our first boy a year ago (we have 3 girls). He was not thrilled I chose to keep the baby. He would constantly berate me, and I couldn’t understand why. I ended up losing the baby at 20 weeks. And then found all these messages between him and this woman throughout the duration of my pregnancy. He attributed it to the fact I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to. (Meaning I didn’t have a job - even though he had me as a housewife). Things have changed now. I have a better grasp on my finances.
I don’t know if he’s still cheating..
And I’m sure by now you think I’m an idiot.
But I’m really at a loss. I just want some direction. Should I keep trying? Hoping things will get better and that he’s just stressed with work?
Should I just go ahead and file for a divorce??
He had me sign a quitclaim deed during our refinance. He said it would be better for my debt to income so I can buy my own house. Looking back I feel that was dumb on my part as this house is so beautiful. But I guess now I can move on and buy my own house if it really comes down to it. Everyday I get sad. Everyday I end up crying. Everyday I ask myself why am I here. I’m just mostly concerned for my kid’s and the “what now”. If I leave what happens next??? I’ve been with this person since 2012. Living this life since 2012 and it’s like do I want to live beautifully in misery?? Or leave and create my own beauty over time..
I know deep down this is not the life long vision of a marriage I had hoped I’d have. But I’m still hanging on to a glimmer of hope that one day he’ll change.