Boyfriend started me smoking

So I have suffered from anxiety most of my life, and although I've tried a TON of different medications, they really haven't done very much for me. About a year ago I started dating this guy; he's super nice, and has helped me get to a place where I'm finally feeling good about my body. He would always give me words of encouragement early on.

but after about a month, he would add that he thought I would look even sexier if I smoked. I had always been raised on the idea that smoking was bad, and I shouldn't do it, and he wasn't a smoker, so I didn't see how he would know.

Almost two months into the relationship I had one of the worst panic attacks of my life, and I finally relented. Once the attack was over I asked him to go buy me a pack of cigarettes. I was 17 at the time, and he was eighteen, so he could buy them. (this was before the 21 restrictions).

He came back about five minutes later with a pack of cigarettes and a lighter for me. He walked me through how to light and inhale, and about half way through the first one I was starting to take little baby inhales. By the time the first one was gone, my panic symptoms were gone.

In the week that followed, any time I felt a panic attack coming on, I would smoke a cigarette, and the panic would subside. By the end of the week I started to want a cigarette even when I wasn't having a panic attack, but I wouldn't let myself have one because at that time I was still firmly a non-smoker.

By the beginning of the next week I was out of cigarettes, and decided I had dealt with panic attacks without cigarettes before, and I wouldn't buy another pack. That afternoon though I started to have a panic attack, and less than five minutes in my boyfriend handed me another pack of cigarettes, and my lighter. Never had I been more grateful. The second I lit up, my symptoms started to fade.

"You know, you could have told me you ran out and I would have gotten you more."

The next day when I woke up, my anxiety was worse than it usually was, and my boyfriend encouraged me to have a cigarette. I knew it would help, and I just decided, yeah, I'll have one whenever my anxiety is particularly bad. That day I smoked one every time I felt my anxiety get bad. The next day was the same, and I was out before supper. My boyfriend went and bought me another pack, this time he bought the longer ones.

The next day, when I got up, he told me I didn't have to wait until my anxiety got bad, I could just have one to prevent my anxiety from getting bad. He was right, and I had one that morning. About an hour later he reminded me that the first one would be wearing off soon, and I should have another. He kept doing that every hour, and only a little ways into the next day I was out again.

The next day he bought me a carton of the longer ones, and recommended I set an alarm on my phone for every forty minutes to remind me that my last one was starting to wear off. I did just that, and that day was the best day I had in years. I ended up smoking two before bed, just to keep the nightmares away, and because they were the last two in that pack.

For the next coupple weeks, I was smoking about a pack a day, and I would maybe go a coupple over if it was a particularly bad day.

Now I'm smoking about 30-40 cigarettes a day, and I'm so thankful to my boyfriend for introducing me to cigarettes. I haven't had a panic attack in a year now, and cigarettes are the reason.

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