I have come out of a long-term spell of sheet anger at my life and at my wife in particular. I don't want to say what caused all that, but I have realized over the past year that taking out my anger on my wife in front of our kids has traumatized them in different ways.
One of my children has had to seek counselling, although is doing better.
My oldest child is now fine with me after a period when I thought we would never speak again. The one seeking counselling seems fine with me.
I feel like a complete fraud as a parent. I allowed my selfish focus on my own past and my anger to harm my children.
I do not know how long this purgatory will last. I so desperately want my kids to be okay with life and to not view me as the freak I feel I am.
Thankfully, I do not think of suicide, since that would compound the pain I have inflicted on them.
Anyway, friends, love those innocents who depend on you.