This is my confession.
I know now I am wrong, I know the pain that I have caused the people in my life, I know the pain I feel is because of what I have done, I hurt the closest people to me because I was hurt by the ones closest to me in the past, I couldn't control my anger, I lost the respect of the people that matter most to me and I have hurt the one I love both physically and emotionally, I don’t feel like I should be around. I don’t deserve a chance to fix what I have done, I cant find the words that can explain the thoughts going through my head, I cant find the strength to pray, I cant find the way out of my darkness anymore, I tried to fill the emptiness inside me with meaningless actions, I found my strength, the missing part of me that I thought would never come, I don’t know why I did the things I did, I treated her with no respect, I let her be put in the back of my mind so I could do the things that I thought were more important, I know now that I was letting my only chance at true freedom to feel the goodness in people, to see the better side of the world around me, feel like there was nothing for her, I made her think that all that was bad was her fault, I made it seem like she was not important, I treated her like another thing a possession, like she didn't matter. I don’t want to live with myself because I caused that pain in someone. Because she was closest to me I never realized that I could hurt her like this, I never thought it was possible to let myself treat another person like this. I caused more pain in the life of someone that never deserved what others would call gods will. She was put through so much and took it all with pride and never gave it another thought, but I changed that, I made it seem like it was all her fault, even when I was lied to, cheated on, and had my heart broken, she couldn't leave my thoughts, I had a dream last night, I was alone with nothing to save me from a darkness that was creeping in, I saw the one thing that couldn't be hurt, couldn't be taken into the abyss that was my pain, but I couldn't reach it, I couldn't cry for help because my words went unheard, my legs were nailed to the ground, slowly and without mercy with the memories of all that I had done to wrong the ones closest to me. Her voice carried through my mind and gave me peace for I was slipping into the darkness that I had created, and that I deserved. I don’t want to sleep for I know that I wont be able to hold her, that it was only a dream of her embrace, I know that I will wake up to an empty bed and the thoughts of why this happened will weigh me down like the chains of Prometheus. I don’t know why I pushed her away, I don’t know why I couldn't see the full truth that was my love for her, I hate myself because of my jalousie, and I wont forgive myself for the path I chose to take, I couldn't control my actions, I let my emotions and my suppressed anger be freed by the fear of never having someone like her in my life again. I wanted the best for her, I want to spend my life with her, but I don’t deserve her. I want her to know that I can only ask for her to still love me, and I can only look at what I have done to wrong her and remember that she is a person, a beautiful mind blessed with a caring heart, and given to me like a gift to an undeserving child. I love her