Attracted to the frigid type?

That I don't understand my history of dating women who come on strong and then completely fizzle out sexually. I even married a woman who seemed like a sexually aggressive person at the beginning turned out to not be at all. Fast forward almost 20 years later and we've had ** maybe 4 times in the last two years. The reason being that I stopped initiating ** unless I'm absolutely desperate (hence 4 times). I've tried to talk to her about this on multiple occasions and even brought it up during our marriage counseling sessions. Every time I bring up her lack of effort into our ** lives she acts all surprised like it's a novel idea and doesn't know what I mean by physical effort (like touching). I'm at a point now where I can't live the rest of my life like this and am strongly considering divorce. Having kids makes that challenging but communicating with her has led absolutely no where. No options and I will not cheat no matter what.
The real odd part about this is that it's not the first time it's happened. In virtually every relationship I had prior to this marriage it would start strong and then the female would just stop participating and I would have to do everything.
Am I just stupidly attracted to women who do this or most women like this.

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