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I'm struggling to keep it together
There's no mutual trust between anyone in my immediate family. My mental health is ruining my relationships and judgement skills. I feel like killing myself every other day, half of the time it's specific plans of when where and how. I will probably draft my note and will soon. I have no one to vent to that doesn't already have problems of their own and I cannot vent to my peers either because they'll only call it excuses or tell me to get help I have to access to due to soon aging out of the healthcare system on top of looming cuts to who has access to which programs.
I feel like I don't have a future, especially whenever I look at the news. I feel like there's no one to go to, nothing to vent my frustrations out with like a punching bag. I've avoided self harm because there's no way for me to hide the scars so instead I have to bottle up everything I pray I don't snap.
I have to maintain a specific image that hurts me and I cannot get an official diagnosis because of all the bureaucratic paperwork ** that my parents refuse to deal with even though one of them is very aware that I'm about to lose it, just not the full capacity. Either suicide or murder.
I don't have the patience to deal with my peers anymore. I don't have it in me to care about my work anymore. I haven't had anything I actually enjoyed in life in years.
If worst comes to worst I will not live long enough to graduate, either from suicide or war.
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