What to do
For a while now i've been feeling weird, i feel like i'm missing something important, or like i'm not doing something right. for the past couple years, ever since my dead beat dad left my family has made it their mission to remind me that i need to be better then him, and no matter what i do i always never seem to do good enough. it doesn't help any that when i was really young my mom was always away on business trips, ands my dad left me alone to go too the bar and drink, or to his w**** and f*** her, so i have this fear of being left alone now, i constantly want to be around a person and i have this fear of leaving, but at the same time i feel so angry about so many things.
i'm a pacifist by nature i hate conflict but, but at the same time i also hate showing my anger. when ever i use to show how angry i was i was always told to grow up or take it like a man, but now i don't know how to properly vent it, i want to hit something so bad but i can't. my friend dan has told me to take it out on his punching bag, but i can't even do that, i build up and get ready but then i start to slow down and hit it almost slowly.
no one really listens to me, when ever i'm trying to talk to them about this kind of stuff they start talking about something else, and drown me out, and when i try to interupt them like they do to me, they snap at me and tell me not to interupt them. no one listens to me, every one excpects so much from me with so little respect, and i don't know how to vent my frustration, i feel like i should just sit in the corner.