I have a crush on a YouTuber..

To respect their privacy, I am absolutely not be saying who this person is.

For starters, I get crushes on people pretty easily. Usually it’s their personality over looks. Which I know can be tricky with these content creators, as sometimes their on screen personalities aren’t the same as who they really are. In the beginning I tried my hardest to just ignore these feelings.

I felt bad, mostly because the YouTuber is younger than me. I don’t know this person exact age, but they’re in their 20s, while I’m approaching the end of my 20s. (Another reason why I was conflicted having crushes just feels so childish yk?)

For a while I was fine and then… the feelings resurfaced watching something they were apart of. I think I have a crush on their voice. It’s sweet like honey. I want to state it was at this point I never really saw their face. Then it was their personality and mannerisms.

But when I saw their face on thumbnails of their videos it just got worse. I wouldn’t say I have a type, but sometimes I tend to like certain hair colors and hair styles. And they hit those too.

Well forward a couple months to the present day where it’s not as crippling this crush, but now I have these thoughts like “I wonder what their favorite color is?” Or weird stuff like that. I even at one point said I wish I was a fly on their wall. And I can’t help but say to see they have a growing cozy community of a million or so people — it makes me jealous or maybe concerned that someone within the community is like me but more nefarious…

I want to say that I would never stalk this person or anything of the sort — I don’t even watch their videos all that much, it’s just I haven’t had a crush on someone like this since 2005… I don’t tend to care much about these sorts of feelings.

I’m just not good with these feelings that have to run their course.

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