I do not support my wife quitting cigarettes

For some background, my 48 year old wife is a two pack a day cigarette smoker. She grew up in a smoking home and has been smoking since she was 13 years old, about 35 years. We have been married for 30 years and have two kids: a 15 and 16 year old.

I am a nonsmoker, but have a pretty intense smoking fetish. I’ve been lucky to have a good job in the modeling industry working as a model and more recently as an executive at a modeling agency. She hasn’t had to work an outside job, and runs a small business from home. I have encouraged her habit, bought her cigarettes, ashtrays, cigarette cases, etc., for years. I have only ever allowed her to smoke inside because I never wanted her to ever feel like she couldn’t smoke in our home. My fetish drives me to want to be near her while she smokes, to smell her, taste her kiss, hear the lighter flicking, seeing her ashtray get full, hear her deep inhales, and watch her ** chest rise and fall as she smokes cigarette after cigarette.

You can fill in the blanks for what goes on behind closed doors.

She is 100% aware of my obsession with her smoking, and she has openly and eagerly entertained my fetish for our entire marriage. She actually gets off on knowing that her smoking is ** and arousing to me. It’s her secret power over me, and she wields it ruthlessly. I literally get weak when I see her smoking.

Her smoking is one of the main reasons I married her, and I’ve been fortunate to have a partner who understands and indulges my fetish in every way for three decades. I know I’m lucky to have an incredibly beautiful, successful, classy, shapely, ** wife who is a ** addicted smoker. A lot of guys with my fetish would pay big money to have a woman like I have. Trust me.

Her smoking has never really caused any problems. Our kids seem to be oblivious to it. There were a couple of times where my kids’ friends weren’t allowed to stay with us because our home is a smoking home. We just found other smoking families to hang out with. If my kids’ friends didn’t live with smokers, they weren’t invited to our home for sleepovers. Problem solved.

Also, my son’s football coach once called us to tell us our son smells like smoke at school, and that he thinks he has been smoking. The same thing happened with daughter’s cheer coach. She spent an hour trying to convince me that my 14 year-old daughter was a smoker because she smelled like cigarettes. Apparently, these people never lived in a house with a two-pack a day smoker. I’m constantly shocked at people’s reactions when someone has a little smoke on their clothes and hair. When did this become such a crime?

Ridiculous.

However, something happened recently that has me extremely concerned. Over the past couple of years, she has had a wet, nagging cough that is worse in the morning and gets better during the day, then worsening again at night. It just sounded like a normal smokers cough to me and didn’t think much about it. More recently, she is spending about 20 minutes every morning coughing up junk with this deep, chesty cough.

A couple of months ago, she went to her GP who was concerned with her breathing, considering she has a 60-65 pack-year smoking history. She was referred to a pulmonologist. She went for a complete work-up at the pulmonologist, and lo and behold, her chest images showed a flattening of the diaphragm, and she was diagnosed with COPD. The doctor told her she has to stop smoking immediately to avoid it progressing to emphysema.

So now, she is talking about quitting cigarettes. I am so disappointed and sad, because I do not want her to quit smoking. In fact, I’m not sure I would even want to stay married to her if she becomes a nonsmoker. Call me an **, but I’m just being completely honest.

I have tried to discourage her from quitting, telling her that she should just relax and enjoy her life, to keep smoking considering how much she loves cigarettes, to not worry about the doctors, and that her medications and inhalers will open up her congested lungs. It’s true. She is breathing much better since starting the inhalers and meds. She uses a nebulizer every morning and night, and it works wonders to open up her chest and clear up the congestion.

But still, she brings up quitting just about every day. So far, I’ve been successful at keeping her from quitting. Last week, she didn’t buy cigarettes and bought nicotine gum instead. She was moody and agitated. I freaked out and then went to Sam’s and bought a carton of her cigarettes and brought them home to tempt her. She was having withdrawals, and I pressured her to smoke one. She was resistant at first. Even started crying. “Why are doing this to yourself? You don’t have to be like this. Just smoke a cigarette and everything will be fine. I even opened the pack, pulled it out, and lit it for her. Finally she relented and smoked it. And I got my happy smoking girl back.

I’ve even got my two kids in my corner. When she is in nicotine withdrawals, she is no fun to be around. I’ve educated my kids that all they have to do to get their “nice mom” back is to convince her to smoke a cigarette. And they see it’s true. When she finally gets that cigarette, you can literally see the stress and agitation leave her with each exhale. So even my kids are telling my wife to my smoke.

I’ve done everything I can think of to make it as difficult for her to quit smoking as humanly possible.

Now if that isn’t bad enough, there’s more. And if you don’t think I’m a complete **-obsessed slime-ball by now, you will after I confess this next part. 🙄

A couple of months ago, I was sitting on the patio of a local coffee shop when a beautiful 26 year-old blonde bombshell sat at the table next to me. She smelled strong of cigarettes and shampoo and instantly captured my attention. She checked all the boxes. Beautiful woman, check. VERY **, check. Blonde, check. Incredible body, check. Heavy, long-term smoker, check. Smokes everywhere, check. Buys her cigarettes by the carton, check.

We hit it off instantly and she came on hard.

We meet up 2-3 times a week, usually at her house, for long sessions of passionate **. While she doesn’t know about my fetish, she doesn’t really need to know. She smokes so much (strong cigarettes too—Marlboro 100s—which sends me over the edge), that I’m constantly erect whenever I’m with her. Her lucious, soft skin and silky hair smell delicious, and her Smokey breath is always overwhelmingly strong with Marlboro smoke. So delicious to kiss. Her bedsheets, pillows, and blankets smell strong of cigarettes, like a smoker’s bed should smell, when we are in bed together. Being with her is like being in heaven.

And yes, I go home and have my wife to. I can’t get enough.

I could totally get up and leave my wife and marry this girl. She would marry me in a minute. We’ve discussed it. All I have to do is say the word. I would love to spend the next couple of decades with her, encouraging her to maintain and even increase her cigarette consumption.

I know it’s selfish, but I can’t imagine living and loving a woman who doesn’t smoke. It’s my life’s biggest fear. I need ** daily, sometimes two or three times a day. And it has to be with a smoker, or I lose interest.

So, what exactly should I do?

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