Account Login
I am inconsistent
Emotions are difficult for me. I overthink a lot so I understand everything. Emotions are required in life but I find it difficult to express them. Writing this, I can cry, but I don't because no one cares, no one is here, and if someone was it would be the opposite of comfort.
Beginning with family, I have pushed everyone away, my dad is the only one left connecting the whole family. I have anger issues, the root cause of my emotional difficulties, i hold in the anger and express it on games. At a younger age, I hit my mom after not being able to release my anger on a game. This was my first true cry, and it wasn't for my mom, or wasn't for my family who were disgusted, it was to me, my loss of control.
My mom has never been the same, quite distant but always an “I love you” in the morning. My brother similar, I would of ended him because of my anger, but now i just ignore him, after making him bleed multiple times, and blowing up after he supported something opposing to me, I believe I should just give up on him.
My anger is strong, so i don't know why I'm here, because my main issue is that I hate people. Their activities making noises and causing my head to spin. I’ve studied humans for 7 years, not officially, but I came to 1 conclusion, humans are complicated.
Im here to express why I am having issues was relationships, I lost my first love because of my anger. I am now lazy and envision alternative lives. What if I never hit my mom, what if found a hobby to control my anger?
I don't know how the comments will go on this, but some more info on my behavior is the following: I am addicted to adult content, its a way for me to escape and find peace. I play games a lot, but honestly I don’t spend money on games so it’s mainly just the same, and most of them really build up anger now that I think about it. I watch movies and shows to also live in different realities.
No Comments Yet