I've done this way too many times now.

I don't even know what to do anymore.

I was never like this. I go through occasional bouts of depression and suicidalness but I'm not pathetic enough to actually do it. I'm not f****** retarded.

But it seems like every time things start to get a little bit better, I just slide backward and everything is worse than it was before. I've been through this so many times and I feel like if this happens again I'll have nothing left. I don't care about any of it. It just feels like it would be so much easier to be dead. Sever is gone. All of it. Forsberg is gone. Everyone disappeared, moved, went their separate ways. My family is F*****. My boyfriend is going to jail and I don't even know if he's coming home when he gets out. I think he is, but things have been so stressful lately that all we do is fight and we're both getting sick of it. I'm doing everything I can to make him happy and the only way he's ever normal is when he's high. I don't care, though. We're gonna get clean together when he gets out, assuming be does come back. It's gonna suck but I think we can do it. I just hope we make it that far. He's all I have left. I can quit the pills, and quit smoking and drinking, and I'd drop it all in a second to save us. I'd do anything to save us, really.

Jul 8, 2010

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  • When he goes to jail go out get f*****

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