Reluctant to Sleep

Many have asked me why I sleep so late, they call me an owl or a zombie and just laugh about it. I usually just laugh and play along.
I'd tell them that I'm up for no good reason but I guess I just realised that it's because I'm afraid of feeling alone. I don't quite know how that's related but I stay on the computer for as long as I can until I get too tired and then I go to sleep.

I stay online in hopes of someone interesting to come online to talk to. But when someone does talk to me online, I go all, "Meh" and find them too annoying to talk to and not bother. I find so many people too annoying, maybe the problem is just with myself but don't you ever feel like you don't care because some people are just not worth your time? So you don't bother about them? But have you ever come across a point when you just simply have all the time in the world now and just no one to talk to?

So what do you do? Suck it in and just talk to them?
H*** no.
They still far too annoying for you to care.
So what do you do?
What do I do?

I don't know.
I'm sad because all my friends whose company I do enjoy have left the country one-by-one. And now I'm left with no one but these idiots.
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Hate this feeling.

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  • The same happened to me when I was 13, all of my friends just started to... leave. Moved away and found a better place. All I can say is to dream. Go to sleep one night and sleep. It really can be blissful. But I do have a feeling that this isn't about sleeping, but about loneliness. You could move. That could easily be a problem though, so I won't pursue. Go outside, and get off of the internet. I had a friend who started drawing. She was horrible but at the same time had great fun. Perhaps try music or art or something. Try dating. Loneliness is quite easy to fix in this day in age. Its just hard to initiate the rise from loneliness to happiness.

  • Thanks for your kind suggestions. :)

    Well yes, you're right. The best we could do is dream. And I do dream a lot. Possibly too much. The fine line between dreams and reality is starting to fade. But perhaps that's just the way I like it.

    I'm happier now. But I may be slowly falling back into this reluctance to sleep phase. I try to keep myself from it, but it just comes back and haunts me like a ghost with an unfinished business.

    You're right. It is easy to fix. But the initiation is tough. :) But thank you, once again, for taking the time to send such kind words. :) I truly appreciate them.

    I can't wait for the day where I'll be happily busy with things that I actually love to do. :) Soon, I can say!

  • I know how you feel. I, too, spend an exceptionally long time on the internet. The internet has become my cure for loneliness.

  • Thanks for understanding.
    I know, but don't you sometimes feel even more lonely when you're online? Especially when there's no one else worth talking to online?
    Sigh.

  • I found your confession overly long, disjointed and, wait for it, annoying. But, if you are at least a semi-attractive woman of legal age I am willing to talk with you online. I will not be boring or annoying.

  • But thank you for taking the time to read my vent.
    Very nice of you to waste so much of your time reading an "overly long, disjointed and annoying" confession.

  • Hi,
    I did not come here for an essay analysis.
    I came here to vent. Vents are meant to be long, disjointed like my thoughts (I'm sorry yours are perfectly put together, makes me wonder why you're on this site to begin with, of course!) and wait for it, not for anyone else's amusement. Hence, yes, it is meant to be annoying to some or most.
    I don't quite care.

    And attractive or not, I don't think I'm interested in talking to you online. In fact, I don't think anyone else who has read your comment would be.

    You already annoy me. :)

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