Lived a Lie for Years

I'm not really confessing anything in the traditional sense -- my close friends and family already know what went on. I'm just really interested in seeing if anything like this has happened to anyone else. Until last fall, I spent four years in a very serious relationship -- serious in every way save for the fact that I never met her in person, and realized -- long after I should -- that she was lying about what she looked like, and making up stories of tragedy in her life to try and keep me roped in (as well as sending her money month after month to help deal with health problems that really never were there).

It was just a strange trip -- not helpful was the fact that I had a terrible motor accident early on in our talks and was really homebound for a few years. But still, there were a million red lights flashing - her anger whenever I had any social engagements, immediate distrust of any woman I met -- even through something as innocuous like moving on to a new work project.

It was long before the end that I started to really not enjoy myself, but I am not the type of person to leave someone I've committed to when they are in bad places. But, once I realized she was sending me pictures of a relative claiming them to be her I realized everything was more than likely a lie. Then I noticed how vague she was about her health problems and the treatments for them and finally, how she started to threaten me with finding another dude when I mentioned the fact that I'd spent 100K over the years and didn't feel comfortable doing it any more.

I know, everyone of you is like 'how dumb could you have been '' but sometimes it is hard to see the truth when you are the one so deep down the rabbit hole. Has anyone ever been lied to in such a complete and total way that you can't even find it in you to be sad or angry -- just lucky that you are not still wasting time with a crazy person?

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  • I actually know a couple of people who have fallen prey to similar situations. Look, you are a trusting person, willing to give yourself your all to another person. Willing to help and love in anyway you can. You are sincere and honest. The problem is the other person didn't represent herself (or could be him - if you didn't actually talk with them) honestly. There are scam artists out there, and people who will take and take. She came in at a time when you were lonely and vulnerable and filled a need. It's hard to get over something like this. Because the relationship was real to you. Sorry, this happened to you. But don't lose faith. There are good people out there. With the 100K - can you prove it to be a scam? Can you report her?

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