I wish I could do it again.
For three years I was bulimic and only wore a size 6. I am five foot ten inches tall and currently wear a size 11. I am so disappointed in myself for letting my body get this way. I want to purge again, because I know it will make me thin, but I wouldn't be able to hide it. I have tried eating less and less, and it never fails that my roommate will come home with a bunch of candy or junk she got on sale, and I will sit down and eat all of it. I have no willpower against food, and I want to be accepted by Ana once again. I ride my bike 20miles a day, and do toning exercises, but you can't see anything under this disgusting fat that hangs all over me. I have a 32" waist, and wish more than anything for it to be a 26" waist. I can't control my eating anymore, and I cut myself nightly based on how much I ate that day. I would rather die young and thin than live fat, but it seems like I'm going to die young and fat. Quickly. I pray that I can find my way back to Ana, because her warm embrace is all I need. If there wasn't food in the house, then I wouldn't eat it. But if it's there, I can't help BUT to eat it. I wish I were dead. No one would judge a dead girl.