I wish I could do it again.

For three years I was bulimic and only wore a size 6. I am five foot ten inches tall and currently wear a size 11. I am so disappointed in myself for letting my body get this way. I want to purge again, because I know it will make me thin, but I wouldn't be able to hide it. I have tried eating less and less, and it never fails that my roommate will come home with a bunch of candy or junk she got on sale, and I will sit down and eat all of it. I have no willpower against food, and I want to be accepted by Ana once again. I ride my bike 20miles a day, and do toning exercises, but you can't see anything under this disgusting fat that hangs all over me. I have a 32" waist, and wish more than anything for it to be a 26" waist. I can't control my eating anymore, and I cut myself nightly based on how much I ate that day. I would rather die young and thin than live fat, but it seems like I'm going to die young and fat. Quickly. I pray that I can find my way back to Ana, because her warm embrace is all I need. If there wasn't food in the house, then I wouldn't eat it. But if it's there, I can't help BUT to eat it. I wish I were dead. No one would judge a dead girl.

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  • Just stop eating all the candy, b****. It's not hard. Just stop eating it. You're not a machine. You have free will. Act like it.

  • Dont be so harsh on yourself, you are not fat. And if you want to be skinny again stop eating all the junk food it can't mean that much to you if you keep eating all the bad stuff and your doing it all the wrong way once you have lost the weight if you do it wrong you will only go back to your bad eating habits and put it all back on again then you will be back at square one. Be healthy! And only you can change your path of life.

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