On the drive home, i seriously considered driving into a tree

I thought about driving off the road. I questioned the pros and cons of coming home and cutting my wrists. I thought about what else I could do, based on what I have in my house. Eventually, I decided against it, but this isn't the first time I've thought about it by a long shot, and it's been happening more and more frequently lately-- and the "pros," while still behind the "cons," are gaining.

A coupe of miles later, I thought about calling a friend, but I couldn't think of anyone who I wanted to bother with my "whining." Which struck me as stupid, because if anyone I knew was thinking about killing themselves, I wouldn't consider it whining. And yet I freeze up if I even think about talking about it with someone.

I write a lot of comments I don't submit and journal entries I never post. By the time I finish them, I usually start thinking I should just suck it up and stop whining. Or, that what I wrote is stupid and pathetic and that everyone who reads it will think I'm a moron, or just generally worthless. Or that no one will care at all, and it really doesn't matter anyway.

...I'm considering deleting this post on the same basis.

I don't think I *really* want to kill myself-- at least, not right now-- but I can't bring myself to object to falling asleep and just... fading away. And it scares the s*** out of me.

I'm going to submit this now before I give in to the urge to delete it.

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  • Like many of the people here, I was brought here by Google. I hope in the six years that have passed that the feelings of doing it have as well too. I found so much comfort in the fact I'm not the only one who's felt this way...

  • I literally have been scared of driving for years so I've not gotten a car. But now my parent bought me a car & I need to get a license. And I'm scared I'll hill myself. Because I get urges to kill myself by driving into a tree. I'm on medication now so I don't get these thoughts as much but s*** they are scary so I can relate.

  • I relate to this so much thank you for posting this. I feel the exact same way, I literally cried while reading this because it's how I've been feeling as well in words. You are not alone. Please try therapy and medication, setraline has helped me so much. I wish you the best.

  • I looked up I thought about driving into a tree and cutting my wrists I feel the same way the only thing stoping me is me being pregnant. Im overly depressed and i just dont know What to do. So ur not stupid for wanting someone to talk to I tried talking to my SO and thats didnt help at all I just really think I need therapy but that would prob make it worse.

  • A pregnant woman with a mental condition, how typical.
    Thanks for not taking your own well-being into consideration before reproducing. Gee, I can't imagine why so many adult babies are terminally messed up. Oh yeah, because the more fvcked in the head you are, the more you think you NEED a baby. Look around if you think that's an exaggeration.

  • Same as the other Anons, I came here searching the same thing..
    But I could not say it any better than they have. Ride it out, best is yet to come.

  • Well I've just googled "what to do if you feel ilke driving into a tree" because I was considering whether this was a viable option for me but I really don't feel like I want to die. More a matter of being incapacitated for a while. So please don't feel that you're alone. I feel too that I don't want to burden my friends with my problems - be a big girl and suck it up. But I am going to get some help. I've always had the ability to handle the ups and downs in my life before but I seem to have hit a brick wall this time. So I am off to my GP as a starting point. If I can be proactive in addressing my feelings then I know I can move forward - or back to the old me would be good too. I hope that you are ok and you are seeking some help. I think it's important to recognise that you are not alone and get a bit of assistance now. I know that minor issues are looking insurmountable to me at the moment simply because of the black hole I am currently in. I wish you well.

  • I have felt and still do feel like this at times. Writing in a journal or on posts is not ridiculous at all, but rather, it is healthy and is a very good form of "medicine". There are many reasons why you could be feeling his way. It's important to discuss with someone, whether it be your MD, or if you are a religious, a religious leader or even call a help line.
    You don't have to feel alone in this at all. There are many people who feel like you do but as you yourself do, they hide it and you would never know how they really feel.
    Everything will be okay but never feel ashamed of how you feel.

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