I hate my fraternity, so I quit

I was in a fraternity and quit after 6 months. The whole time, I felt as if they never really liked me. They were not my enemies, but just never really hit me up to hang out. For the short time I was in it, I was being stressed out with texts and was giving away a lot of money that could've gone to school. I would always try to impress them and help them out but would never get anything in return. I think my bid was a mistake and though some tried, I was never really meant to be there.

The chapter itself was a real mess. The only reason I joined it was because they were one of the dopest frats my 1st & 2nd year. What I didn't know is that the people who made the frat as cool as it were graduating. So when I finished pledging, all the "active" members graduated. Now my chapter was stuck with a bunch of bros WAITING for things to happen rather than taking it upon themselves to do take the initiative. In meeting, our president would always ask for volunteers (to take out letters, organize a party, etc.) and there would just be dead silence. The parties we did throw were whatever because our fraternity was on probation for a serious fight that happened at our party. We had to attend mandatory sanction and safety meetings because of that fight.

Being an active was really no different than being a pledge. You still had to work your butt off responding to stressful texts saying "we need you to paint letters" and stuff like that. I hated how we would pay dues and not know where that money was going because it sure wasn't going to social events. I also hated how they had mandatory events with mandatory dress codes. Its worse than it sounds. Imagine going to a hip hop concert at your school with everyone chilling and relaxed and you're being dressed up as a bro because you have to represent the org and try to rush kids. I just want to listen to the music and chill.

What I really regret was how i dropped out. I didn't have the courage to step in front of 40 bros (psyched to start the quarter), and tell them that I didn't want to be a part of the fraternity anymore. I just stopped going to meetings and avoided seeing them on campus. What sucks now is having to look over my shoulder all the time because now I've built up this somewhat fear of them because I've been avoiding them for so long. Whenever I do see them on campus, i could see them laughing and talking behind my back. I'm not worried about this too much because I have only 6 months left in school and all this "hiding" only reflects what happens on campus. I can still go on dates and visit my friends. Any advise would be helpful so thanks.

Apr 7, 2011

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  • Bro I don't like my frat as well. I'm not referring to the National chapter or referring to any other chapter. Yet, I know my chapter is horrible at holding up the torch for rituals and bylaws. That torch fell a long time ago and it's sad. Everyone's too egotistical to actually hold to the bylaws and rituals that require them to be family oriented with in the org. Our history is full of examples that everyone refuses to pay attention to. Other fraternal organizations have been wanting me to jump over to there spot. There's no point though cuz I have found everything I've been looking for at this new Christian church I've been going to.

  • Nobody defines who you are; only you can do that. Whether you are in fraternity, or whether you are independent, or a drop out, you must always value and love yourself. The reason why those guys are making fun of you is they need someone to look down on. They are self loathing individuals, and you don't need them. You only need yourself. Know yourself, and the world is yours. Hope this helped. :)

  • My roommate just pledged a wild fraternity on campus a month or so into our freshman year. He seemed to be having a great time. However, one evening, three guys in ski masks came to our dorm room while we were studying and when I answered the door they knocked me aside and rushed into the room to grab my roommate. What they didn't know is that my roommate was on the wrestling team and also had a black belt in Taekwondo. He didn't know who they were and he just started kicking and punching away. They started yelling at him to stop and he kept pummeling them. I think one of them even broke his nose and arm and was screaming his head off in pain. Anyway, I joined in and we managed to shove them out the door. One of them even seemed to be crying and was cursing up a storm at as they hurried away.

    We found out later they were brothers at his house and he was to be kidnapped for some pledge hazing event. A couple of days later he was called to the fraternity house as was told he was being "depledged" because he was "too dangerous." My roommate complained that they never identified themselves and that if he had known they were brothers he would have gone with them. These guys were clearly terrified of my roommate now. They obviously wouldn't have been able to haze him like they wanted to. He would have killed them if they went over the line.

    He ended up joining another fraternity that wasn't nearly so wild. He said the hazing there was mild to nonexistent and he liked the guys there better anyway.

  • I was on the speech and debate team at my college, and my scholarships in this activity helped pay for my tuition. However, competitions were held most weekends, so I was not available for many fraternity parties and events. To make matters worse, h*** week was scheduled for the same week as the national competition. As I would not have been available most of that week. I was essentially told I had to make a choice between pledging the fraternity and my scholarship. You can guess how that went over with my parents. It was really unfair to the other pledges that I was consistently missing line ups and clean ups and the actual events most of the time. The fraternity was great, but I had to quit.

  • I reallly wish you were in my frat since u sound like a cool dude. My frat was the same exactly bullshit. Cool guys who left and a bunch of faggots who took over. We ended up getting kicked off campus. When I quit right before it happened, they all blammed everything on me. Really sucks since the frat experience can be epic. I wish I could have lived the greek dream but I guess some things in life are not always possible.

  • I quit because I was actively harassed by groups of brothers. Lone brothers did not have the courage to confront me, but always in groups they would insult, belittle, and physically assault me. Elder brother my ass. I was one of the oldest actives when I quit and still got no respect at all, despite always taking orders and trying to help. None of my ideas were respected, though they were good. Everywhere else my ideas were complemented! At work, at home, with other friends. So I took a similar tact, avoiding them, but it hurt my credibility more. The final straw was when they broke the #1 rule of any organization. They broke the unified front and started harassing and threatening me in front of outsiders. I was respected so little that I was even denied the basic protection of brotherhood: brothers having my back. I couldn't even consider myself a brother at that point. So I quit. Sometimes I'm a little down because things didn't turn out better, but I have to remind myself, I did the best I could. Because I believe in treating others with respect and dignity, I was viewed as weak and preyed upon. Lesson learned.

  • Same thing happening to me rn and dont know what to do

  • Those who hate fraternities are cool in my book. But that depends on who they are.

  • Glad that I never joined a fraternity.

  • I was in the same boat, I joined the fraternity because I wanted to know people and really become a better person. I was in the fraternity for a year and I was constantly feeling this horrible vibe. Out of the hundred guys in the fraternity maybe 5 actually treated me right.

    At first I thought it was me, so I started to be more interactive with the fraternity and help out as much as possible, I was doing things, I was nice to everyone. Even doing all that the fraternity hated me, and one day I walked into the house a overheard a couple of guys talking about me, some executive board members and other guys, and it was of how much I suck and that giving me a bid was s mistake and accident, and they said just about any horrible thing you could say about a person.

    I would done anything for anyone those guys. I never knew how much the whole fraternity hated me. Seriously I mean, I thought we were brothers connected by a bond, but I guess things aren't what they seem to be.
    I remember at one point I had to say "I'm done"

  • 20 years ago I was pledging a Frat and dropped out before H*** Night. After two weeks of pledging with a dozen other guys I realized I didn't like them. The last straw was being blindfolded and punched in the face and b**** by one of the frat brothers the night before.
    I could see out the boffom of the blindfold and knew it was this little s*** who I could have beaten to a pulp without breaking a sweat.
    Any guy that isn't man enough to do that when I could fight back isn't a man.
    I never once regretted it. The guys in the frat couldn't believe it because no one ever walked away like that. The people I was friends with thought it was great and 20 years on I'm still friends with them. y

  • Did the same thing except I was elected into roles. After two years of slaving for it I'm tired. I know I'll never be kicked out but I just don't want to be a part of it anymore. Things were easier when I didn't know everyone. Life was simpler. Our parties were much different than everyone else's. I remember last February we rented out the Hyatt regency in Milwaukee. All 18 floors and threw a big party that lasted three days. That was when it peaked for me but now I don't want to be that frat guy. I just want to graduate and move on.

  • I'm part of a fraternity and honestly, I love it. I've seen pretty much all of what you're talking about - chapter laziness, probation, having to do work for the fraternity even though all I want to do is chill (rush sucks haha).

    Your experience with your fraternity is honestly up to you. Unless your bros actively do things to harm you, it's completely up to you what you get from pledging, active life, and alumnus status. What lessons did you learn? How do you apply it? How do you react to obstacles in your way?

    After I initiated into my fraternity, I had huge aspirations for the chapter. That was how I chose to react to my active life -- I chose to be passionate about my letters and stay true to the ideals I learned from pledging. Now, don't get me wrong; this was not always enjoyable. I gave up a date with my dream girl because I had fraternity stuff to do. I ruined my third year in school dealing with a lot on behalf of the fraternity. But all these experiences made me into a better man. I became a bro that people (not just in my fraternity!) looked to for guidance and advice.

    Anyway, I digress. I think you actually have a lot to ask yourself; why didn't you take initiative? Why didn't you rekindle the passion of your chapter? You could've been one of those "cool bros" who made your fraternity "dope", and you could've inspired all the other actives to do so too. I don't mean to be accusatory, but it sounds like you could've really made an impact here.

    I'm sorry you had a bad experience, and I can only imagine how much it sucks to have invested so much time for such poor results. At this point, I'm assuming you're not going back? If I were your bro, I'd want to know why you left. You should go back and just say what's on your mind. If they're angry, then whatever, you have closure. Chances are, they'll probably understand and agree with some of your concerns.

  • Look, it seems like a lot of people on here are trashing the Greek system as a whole. I think the Greek system is theoretically a good thing. It fosters leadership skills and gets people involved on campus and in their communities.
    That said, specific chapters of specific fraternities are certainly not always beneficial to people (other than for parties and whatnot, and sometimes not even beneficial in those ways.) Basically, it varies from chapter to chapter.
    I'm in a fraternity right now and I really don't like it. I feel like I made the wrong choice, as in, had I joined a different fraternity I think I'd be better off. Maybe the problem with some people on this board is that they pledged as a freshman (like I did) and didn't give themselves enough time to evaluate their options. I would advise people to wait until sophomore year or at very least second semester of freshman year.
    Specific problems with the fraternity I joined were that:
    1.) Everyone else seemed to have a really juvenile sense of humor. Not in terms of hazing (our fraternity actually never hazed,) just in an overall sense. I felt like I didn't fit in as my sense of humor was maybe a little dryer and a whole lot more mellow.
    2.)The fraternity really wasn't all that popular on campus, even though it was filled with great guys. Basically the problem was, they didn't put themselves out there much. So that ties in with a lack of community involvement, and that was something I really wanted from a fraternity.
    3.) Parties were lame. Again, not a huge deal to me, but I guess there's something to be said for it.
    4.)Other, littler things. Food made by the house mom was just plain bad. Never enough food in the kitchen. House was old, beat down. Not much support from the other chapters or the head of the organization as the fraternity doesn't have many chapters nation-wide.
    Overall, the lesson here isn't that Greek life is bad, but that you should be careful to choose the right house.

  • Look you stupid mother f*****, just because you lonely frat faggets think using Greek symbols and words, doesnt make you have s*** to do with being from Greece, or relating to the Greek lifestyle in any form whatsoever. You pathetic nerds who rely on a f****** guild for strength are a f****** rectal wart on societys fat ass. There is NOTHING Greek about your f***** ass sharpie raping d**** or cocaine choosing f******* labeled as "fraternity". F*** you weak ass p****** and your love for gay s** with sharpies.

  • See a psychiatrist, crazy

  • Lol I'm in a frat but that much hate just makes me laugh

  • Calm Down

  • I "quit" my fraternity too about twelve years ago. I joined for the sense of brotherhood and I got it. However, I grew older and I was not the same person that I was when I pledged. Graduating was more important to me than going to a NPHC meeting to get yelled at by other Greeks about what my frat isn't doing (and then to regionals where your fellow Brothers would do the same thing, yell about what my chapter isn't doing). Also, I was no longer looked at as a person but more as a Greek. I couldn't even get many dates because of some derogatory things that my frat brothers did. Another thing was that I was only a Brother to other Brothers because of what I could do for them. They weren't really my friends or even my real Brothers; my real friends and brothers were back home. So, as I prepared for graduation I distanced myself more and more. Now graduated with a wife and kids, as well as being a Navy vet, I moved on with no regrets.

  • I did the whole fraternity thing because Greek Life was huge at our school. In the end though it really was not worth it to tell the truth. My best friend, ironically, is my big brother from the fraternity as odd as that sounds. I'll tell you what essentially happened.

    I pledged, and had the pledge class, went through the hazing and projects and all the crap we had to do and I did make some great friends, but it was limited. I had to take a medical withdrawal which was NOT part of the financial contract, and in the end I end up winning in civil court against the fraternity and got all my money back plus damages and whatnot because what they were doing was wrong.

    After pledging, I had some brothers that I felt close to, and my big brother I was extremely close to. He was and is my best friend, because he was and is unlike so many of the FRAT-TASTIC BROS in the organization.

    I think the truth was that some brothers, about 50-50 I would say were uncomfortable with my sexual orientation and I also had mental health problems and had those issues. My big brother was 24 when I became his little and he was in the Navy so he really bonded with me and we became and are very close. However, a problem with the brothers were that they were lazy, uninvolved, and wanted to just sit around and drink beer, or smoke weed, or even do some hard drugs.

    Our meetings were always chaotic because the treasurer was incompetent and recklessly spent money which sent dues sky high. Also, at a time when I needed my family the most, when I was facing a suspension from the university, only my big was there for me. I was literally upset and they encouraged me to drink heavily and I attempted suicide that night! I wound up in a psychiatric ward about 6 miles away. A 10 minute drive by car. Sadly, only my big and one other brother that cared about me visited me while I was in the mental hospital for crisis stabilization. It was then my family and I mutually agreed it was time to take a medical withdrawal to avoid suspension and come home.

    After being released from the hospital I had a few days left at the university area, and I'm pretty sure many knew I was leaving, but I only got a handful of genuine "goodbye's" "take care, we'll keep in touch" "stay safe and well and get a good psychiatrist" etc. I remember who exactly said goodbye. All the sweethearts and that handful of good brothers that cared about me.

    It was a Saturday during the mid afternoon when I was leaving, and I had said good bye to some but my big brother came out of his way to my apartment when my mom and I were moving out, and he helped. It showed that HE cared, but the ones at the bar day drinking missed the memo or thought it was a false trail that I was leaving. It really was disturbing that only about 15% said genuine goodbye's and one person, my best friend came over in person to help me move out and gave me a hug and said that I'm his little brother, and we are family and he was truly going to miss me and was crying along with me when it came time to go.

    The disturbing thing was that my "family" away from home was not there, except a few. Only a few were concerned and sad. Everyone else just acted normal. It was chilling. It was unbelievable, and I never believed it until my big brother came up to where I live (4-5 hours away) for a job interview/test and also a visit with me. He cares about me, he watches out for me, and he brings happiness into my life. He is like an older biological brother and he told me that after he expressed is outrage at the fraternity for their treatment of me, that he was moving on into alumni status and was done. He said that I was more important to him because I had true problems and they neglected to be there.

    I am angry at the BROS who just did nothing. I kept my real friends that were there for me in crisis. My big brother cared for me in a time that I needed help most. But the other 85% of the fraternity was too busy to care about me I guess. So I sent them my letter of resignation an demand for a refund. Leading to court and the fraternity getting in trouble. However, I felt it was right.

  • Man being Greek isn't always everything it's supposed to be, but it certainly isn't all bad either. I'm sorry that so many of you have had such negative Greek experiences. However, my advice to you is to stand up and express why you quit. I'm currently a chapter president and I've had to deal with a lot of issues like yours, guys who just drop off the face of the earth. It takes courage to stand up in front of a group, or at least notify a member of your plans to quit. From the chapter leadership prospective, typically, we don't want to kick you out because we want to leave you with the opportunity to remain active.

    Most importantly, the chapter almost definitely has the right to send you to collections. Most chapters use an online bill pay system that you most likely signed a contract for. If this is the case and you signed the contract the chapter still has the right to bill you up until you complete the due process of formally resigning. Most likely they will too, because unless you have formally resigned they are being charged national and IFC dues on you, which includes liability insurance.

    On a personal note it also sounds like you joined a fraternity for the wrong reasons. Parties,image, etc. while a huge aspect of Greek life is social there is a lot more to it. There is a huge aspect of experiential education that you are missing out on. You learn a lot from planning events, managing parties, new member education.

    Bottom line, just because you had a bad experience doesn't mean that the Greek system is bad. My chapter was in shambles before I became VP and then President. In fact we are still paying off some debt form before I became a member, but I've helped turn things around and I've learned a ton from it and have made some truly great friendships from it.

  • Oh my god! Same thing happened to me and some other guy from my pledge line... Seriously, I eventually recognized that the culture of the Fraternity was bullshit: some of the guys were genuinely not good people, treated fellow "brothers" like s***, and ultimately most involved were going nowhere in life, and especially college. Career wise, the fraternity was a joke when it came to getting actual real world job connections from alumni (most recent alumni who graduated from this particular fraternity were living a few dollars above minimum wage with a college degree...). Damn shame I didn't see it when I was pledging... I would have spent more time boosting my GPA (3.1 overall)and getting more internships. Overall, my fraternity experience was equivalent to high school's popularity contest, but with backstabbing and s*** talking all the time with a smaller sect of the population who you are supposed to be 'bros' with.

    As with you, I never felt that I bonded with most of the guys, and in fact felt that many resented me because I was of a different socioeconomic background. (Now that I look back on it, I am a friendly guy who befriends anyone, but indeed a shared or similar background or upbringing is more likely to foster a "brother" type friendship) You either had to conform to the group standard or you were ostracized. This is a completely insecure adolescent high school mentality.

    I honestly felt like most of the brothers did not live by the pillars of the fraternity which really p***** me off, but then again, I guess that is part of growing up: discovering who your true friends are. I learned a lot from the experience, with the main lesson being be careful who you befriend. In other words, choose your friends wisely and realize that most organizations in one way or another will operate under similar social dynamics of group think and conformism to the majority's standard (popularity).

    In summary, my terrible fraternity experience has prepared me in some ways to climb up the corporate ladder by incentivizing me to immediately assess company culture and 'leaders' within organizations; so as to align myself with those holding power over the group (as what occurred in my fraternity except without the perks of career financial success - f****** sheeple). Soo lame when all I wanted to do was have fun!!! Lol.

  • That is my exact story. I believe I am about to quit the fraternity. The constant hatred and drama and backstabbing is killing me. None of the guys are truly close and they don't like me.

  • Dude if I have ever read somthing that was exactly the same for me. That was it

  • I am in a similar situation. I pledged because Greek life is a big thing on my campus, but instead of becoming close with my brothers, I realized that they were not a great group of people. Basically, I have distanced myself from the group, but still feel awkward when I run into my pledge brothers. Honestly, I would not recommend pledging. While a lot of people will enjoy it, it has destroyed my college career. Being the pariah of a group is the worst thing anyone can deal with. I never thought it could happen to me, then I pledged and my life changed. Please consider this warning if you are considering pledging.

  • Thanks for your advice everyone. I stress out everyday about this for it is such a burden. I avoid enrolling in classes that they are in, going to school concerts, and even walking through the center of campus. I just want this year to be over and have less BROS to worry about since a lot are graduating next month. I have two primary fears:

    1.) Running into my big bro: He's the one who got me the bid to join the frat and helped me through pledgeship. He would be really angry if he ever saw me on campus since I "abandoned" the frat. Thankfully, that's a 1 out of 10,000 chance.

    2.) Collections: This is the worst part. I heard from someone that a fraternity can collect dues even if you're not in it anymore and are still an active student. They can track down your credit card/ social security and potentially bill you or ruin your credit score! I changed my credit card but can't recall ever giving them my social security number.

    Any advice?? Thank you to whoever goes on this great website and I can not thank you enough for hearing me out when no one else will.

  • A friend of mine did pretty much the same after they did "the big tour" stuff with a freshman girl they invited to a party and got her drunk, after which they did their thing. So, don't worry, it's common thing to hate some fraternity groups. And don't watch over your back anymore, because nobody really cares you quit. They just want to be a larger group, because when they do stupid things like the one I told you about, they can shift the guilt from one to the other until they all look clean or less guilty.

  • God the greek system is stupid. I don't know what to tell you, but usually people get over things, and every year more and more of those guys will leave as they graduate, so I'm sure you won't have to spend all four years watching out for them.

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