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I hate my fraternity, so I quit
I was in a fraternity and quit after 6 months. The whole time, I felt as if they never really liked me. They were not my enemies, but just never really hit me up to hang out. For the short time I was in it, I was being stressed out with texts and was giving away a lot of money that could've gone to school. I would always try to impress them and help them out but would never get anything in return. I think my bid was a mistake and though some tried, I was never really meant to be there.
The chapter itself was a real mess. The only reason I joined it was because they were one of the dopest frats my 1st & 2nd year. What I didn't know is that the people who made the frat as cool as it were graduating. So when I finished pledging, all the "active" members graduated. Now my chapter was stuck with a bunch of bros WAITING for things to happen rather than taking it upon themselves to do take the initiative. In meeting, our president would always ask for volunteers (to take out letters, organize a party, etc.) and there would just be dead silence. The parties we did throw were whatever because our fraternity was on probation for a serious fight that happened at our party. We had to attend mandatory sanction and safety meetings because of that fight.
Being an active was really no different than being a pledge. You still had to work your ** off responding to stressful texts saying "we need you to paint letters" and stuff like that. I hated how we would pay dues and not know where that money was going because it sure wasn't going to social events. I also hated how they had mandatory events with mandatory dress codes. Its worse than it sounds. Imagine going to a hip hop concert at your school with everyone chilling and relaxed and you're being dressed up as a bro because you have to represent the org and try to rush kids. I just want to listen to the music and chill.
What I really regret was how i dropped out. I didn't have the courage to step in front of 40 bros (psyched to start the quarter), and tell them that I didn't want to be a part of the fraternity anymore. I just stopped going to meetings and avoided seeing them on campus. What ** now is having to look over my shoulder all the time because now I've built up this somewhat fear of them because I've been avoiding them for so long. Whenever I do see them on campus, i could see them laughing and talking behind my back. I'm not worried about this too much because I have only 6 months left in school and all this "hiding" only reflects what happens on campus. I can still go on dates and visit my friends. Any advise would be helpful so thanks.
Man being Greek isn't always everything it's supposed to be, but it certainly isn't all bad either. I'm sorry that so many of you have had such negative Greek experiences. However, my advice to you is to stand up and express why you quit. I'm currently a chapter president and I've had to deal with a lot of issues like yours, guys who just drop off the face of the earth. It takes courage to stand up in front of a group, or at least notify a member of your plans to quit. From the chapter leadership prospective, typically, we don't want to kick you out because we want to leave you with the opportunity to remain active.
Most importantly, the chapter almost definitely has the right to send you to collections. Most chapters use an online bill pay system that you most likely signed a contract for. If this is the case and you signed the contract the chapter still has the right to bill you up until you complete the due process of formally resigning. Most likely they will too, because unless you have formally resigned they are being charged national and IFC dues on you, which includes liability insurance.
On a personal note it also sounds like you joined a fraternity for the wrong reasons. Parties,image, etc. while a huge aspect of Greek life is social there is a lot more to it. There is a huge aspect of experiential education that you are missing out on. You learn a lot from planning events, managing parties, new member education.
Bottom line, just because you had a bad experience doesn't mean that the Greek system is bad. My chapter was in shambles before I became VP and then President. In fact we are still paying off some debt form before I became a member, but I've helped turn things around and I've learned a ton from it and have made some truly great friendships from it.
Oh my god! Same thing happened to me and some other guy from my pledge line... Seriously, I eventually recognized that the culture of the Fraternity was **: some of the guys were genuinely not good people, treated fellow "brothers" like **, and ultimately most involved were going nowhere in life, and especially college. Career wise, the fraternity was a joke when it came to getting actual real world job connections from alumni (most recent alumni who graduated from this particular fraternity were living a few dollars above minimum wage with a college degree...). ** shame I didn't see it when I was pledging... I would have spent more time boosting my GPA (3.1 overall)and getting more internships. Overall, my fraternity experience was equivalent to high school's popularity contest, but with backstabbing and ** talking all the time with a smaller sect of the population who you are supposed to be 'bros' with.
As with you, I never felt that I bonded with most of the guys, and in fact felt that many resented me because I was of a different socioeconomic background. (Now that I look back on it, I am a friendly guy who befriends anyone, but indeed a shared or similar background or upbringing is more likely to foster a "brother" type friendship) You either had to conform to the group standard or you were ostracized. This is a completely insecure adolescent high school mentality.
I honestly felt like most of the brothers did not live by the pillars of the fraternity which really ** me off, but then again, I guess that is part of growing up: discovering who your true friends are. I learned a lot from the experience, with the main lesson being be careful who you befriend. In other words, choose your friends wisely and realize that most organizations in one way or another will operate under similar social dynamics of group think and conformism to the majority's standard (popularity).
In summary, my terrible fraternity experience has prepared me in some ways to climb up the corporate ladder by incentivizing me to immediately assess company culture and 'leaders' within organizations; so as to align myself with those holding power over the group (as what occurred in my fraternity except without the perks of career financial success - ** sheeple). Soo lame when all I wanted to do was have fun!!! Lol.
Dude if I have ever read somthing that was exactly the same for me. That was it
That is my exact story. I believe I am about to quit the fraternity. The constant hatred and drama and backstabbing is killing me. None of the guys are truly close and they don't like me.
I am in a similar situation. I pledged because Greek life is a big thing on my campus, but instead of becoming close with my brothers, I realized that they were not a great group of people. Basically, I have distanced myself from the group, but still feel awkward when I run into my pledge brothers. Honestly, I would not recommend pledging. While a lot of people will enjoy it, it has destroyed my college career. Being the pariah of a group is the worst thing anyone can deal with. I never thought it could happen to me, then I pledged and my life changed. Please consider this warning if you are considering pledging.
Thanks for your advice everyone. I stress out everyday about this for it is such a burden. I avoid enrolling in classes that they are in, going to school concerts, and even walking through the center of campus. I just want this year to be over and have less BROS to worry about since a lot are graduating next month. I have two primary fears:
1.) Running into my big bro: He's the one who got me the bid to join the frat and helped me through pledgeship. He would be really angry if he ever saw me on campus since I "abandoned" the frat. Thankfully, that's a 1 out of 10,000 chance.
2.) Collections: This is the worst part. I heard from someone that a fraternity can collect dues even if you're not in it anymore and are still an active student. They can track down your credit card/ social security and potentially bill you or ruin your credit score! I changed my credit card but can't recall ever giving them my social security number.
Any advice?? Thank you to whoever goes on this great website and I can not thank you enough for hearing me out when no one else will.
A friend of mine did pretty much the same after they did "the big tour" stuff with a freshman girl they invited to a party and got her drunk, after which they did their thing. So, don't worry, it's common thing to hate some fraternity groups. And don't watch over your back anymore, because nobody really cares you quit. They just want to be a larger group, because when they do stupid things like the one I told you about, they can shift the guilt from one to the other until they all look clean or less guilty.
God the greek system is stupid. I don't know what to tell you, but usually people get over things, and every year more and more of those guys will leave as they graduate, so I'm sure you won't have to spend all four years watching out for them.