I hate my fraternity that I rushed over zoom, so I transferred.

2020 August, I had just graduated high school and was excited to head to college. The college was going to attend was a greek heavy school. I had partied a decent amount in High School, but nothing too crazy. Rush ended up being online due to covid restrictions, I wanted to party and I figured I'd give fraternity life a shot. I rushed to the top house on campus and ended up getting a bid online. I didn't know any brothers at all, and in fact, I didn't know anyone from the state of the school I went to (most brothers knew each other from high school). After I finished pledging, we weren't fully into the fraternity until the end of the second semester. By then everyone in my Pledge class was in cliques, and I was the outsider. I have to note, I had to take a lot of time to go home due to issues at home by my parent's divorce. I was super depressed, from Covid restrictions, my family life, the fact that my social life was failing and it seemed like all my PBs and Brothers enjoyed each other. I was the outsider. I lost over 20 pounds and started to find out that my brothers would make fun of the way I looked, smelled and talked. That I was a joke and laughed at. I hated my life. It got bad when groupies would tell me to get my ** together, I started to realize I had made enemies, by going home and focusing on taking care of my family life. Once things at home got better, I told myself that yes even though they are not my friends now and my enemies that I would give it a shot. So next year I lived in. It went well I made good friends with my roommates that were also my brothers, but I started to notice that I could not shake what people thought about me, that I was a bad pledge and that everyone hated me. I would walk into a room and everyone would point at me and laugh, talk about me. Brothers and groupies that I never even talked to already knew about how much I "sucked" I was caught off guard by the lack of empathy these guys had for me, they knew I had to go home so I wasn't gonna be an active and they hated me because of it.

After a week of living in, I started to get respect my roommates liked me a lot and told other brothers that I was not what they thought I was. But even then, I was still annoyed about what was being said about me. My own PBs were the ones talking ** about me. The other brothers also were doing the same, but I went out to every event, talked to girls, and was nice to everyone. After a semester of doing that, I started to gain respect. But I also started to fail my classes, I was so focused on fixing my rep that I did not even realize the importance of my grades. I just wanted people to not hate me anymore. Things started to get better socially, I liked my fraternity, and I was an active member, but I knew deep down that they are did not like me and I did not trust them. I started to put up barriers, realizing that I was watering plants that didn't really care about me.

Since I lived in, I would do my best to mentor the newer brothers and they really liked me, I would give them all advice. I would start to say that I was beginning to get respected the way i wanted to. Just when that happened I got into a car accident and my phone broke. I didn't want anyone to know, it was embarrassing. But I needed my roommate to pick me up from the hospital, I called my dad from the hospital phone and he called an older brother whos number he found online. From there on out, all the brothers heard about what happened and none of them visited me, but they all laughed at me and talked about me. None of PBs even said anything to me about it and some of them called me a fake. After that I started to get sick of it, I had no friends, no one ever invited me to anything, I was alone. I started to realize that I had no true friends, that everyone really did hate me. That I was a complete joke to them. Was it my fault? was it because I didn't show out my FR year or the personality way I looked? I was so stuck in my own mind. I started to avoid my brothers spending time by myself and realized that I was putting so much time into people that didn't really care about me. as a result, I didn't care about me either. I was reckless. I got tired of it all, I decided to transfer. At this point, my grades were toast, I was going no where. I figured I spend time at CC and transfer into a better school and get a better degree was done with putting time into fake friends. I moved on. I may rejoin the fraternity at a different school, but I was done with those people. I liked them, but they hated me, and they were not scared to talk about me horribly to others. I dissociated with all of them and all the people connected to them. It was time for a fresh start both academically and socially. I hope I can find some people that make me feel like I at least exist.

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