All the thoughts I have just now

I recently broke up with my long term girlfriend, I just didnt feel right anymore being with her. I didn't stop loving her because I still do, I just couldn't pretend that I could keep up the impression of my happiness with all the thoughts she had of rumours and her feelings towards the person she cheated on me with. I feel so lonely inside nowadays, a loneliness that seems to be only fillable with two things, vodka or the company of my best friend who recently broke up with her boyfriend. I just feel so emotional inside just now, it feels like a rage at times, a rage that just makes me want to scream out at the top of my lungs and just keep fighting the people who have made me feel like this. I want to feel something else that isn't just loneliness or rage. I watched a movie yesterday and envied the characted in the film because they were in the happy care free stage when you just meet someone and are just fooling around with eachother without a care in the world. I just want my life for the forseable future to become a collection of easy hook ups, s** that is meaningless as in the end, life really does come down to one simple fact, we come in alone and we leave it alone. Another point to the easy hook ups theres a song that just describes it perfectly, it's called Keep Yourself Warm by Frightened Rabbit, because although it's saying you wont find love through meaningless f****, I dont think me and love shall be acquaintances for the foreseeable future.

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