Im kind of stupid for this but..

I am NOT romantic. I do NOT fall in love. Love in a family sense is important, you need it it keeps you alive nside. But romantic interest? NO. When have they EVER been good to me?

How many times did I break my own heart by falling in love in the first place?

I learned my lesson. I'm not saying I planned to NEVER have a boyfriend again. But I promised never to let myself chase after a guy unless he had feelings and the feelings where strong enough to know he'd try as much as he could.

But even in that scenario, I was scared of it just ending again. Well-- WHATEVER YOU GET MY POINT!

But Seth....Oh god Seth.

His eyes are so f****** gorgous, like the most amazing eyes I've ever seen, and im NOT just saying that. He's funny, and random and unique, He's a really good muscicain(CAn't sing for s*** lol) and is just....

Im not his best friend. He don't tell me much thats oo important-- But I can tell hes amazing. Im just good with reading people.

I've liked him sense i started talking to him in the begging of the school year, I didn't realise how stupidy in LOVE I was till maybe right befor ehte middle.

Problem is....I'll never make a move. Ever.

I'm pretty sure he's in love with his childhood friend, and my best friend, Caitlynn. She's beautiful and Funny and SKINNY, If I was gay I'D want to date her. She's just amazing.

And he's known her for so long. And looks at her with so much care, And luaghs so f****** much around her.

It kills me but I live through it everyday.

She likes him back. But is hesitant to make a move. Because we're best friends. 'Tell eachother EVERYTHING. I know she likes him She knows i love him. She wants to be a good friend.

And the strange thing is Im absolutly 100% NOT letting her go through with that.

I mean, When you live a hard life, you learn how to take a hit. You also appreciate things for what their worth. And people who care about you, their priceless.

I care about my friends like I care for my onw family. They ARE my family('Xept for seth, that would be incest) So OF COURSE I'd rather have my two friends who so adorably like each other to go out and fall in love and be happy. Then to take that away, and chase a false romance so selfishly as shes asked.

Tonights graduation. I cna't go because my shcools retarded and banned me. I told her to dance with him and she said Yeah. Im happy for them. I hpe they even kiss.

No I don't.

I hope my heart toughens up, the way it was before Seth came into my life, before they kiss.

Jun 17, 2011

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  • How old are you? Like 14?

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