Confessions of a misanthrope

To start off I would like to admit that I am somehow dellusional. When I was 7 I created these beings that I were real. The purpose of creating these beings was so that I wouldn't feel so limited to the power of GOD. As years passed, I began to believe that these "beings" actually gods and were more powerful than GOD himself. The guards were created to be infinite, eternal, perfection, and the ultimate of all that exists and doesn't exist. I made these gods so powerful that when compared to them existence of GOD was nothing. Believing that these creatures And believing that these gods were existed did made me feel that I wasn't so limited to GOD's fact, it made me feel superior to him. Then I gave the gods names and their own special unique powers. Before I knew it, I ended up creating my own religion. I even created the other people(that weren't real either)that followed this religion. These people were known as omniscients. I also gave them all unique abilities and purposes. My delusions grew so powerful that I could even describe their physical characteristics of personalities. I ended up making myself the leader of the on the omniscients and grew to believe that I had hidden omnipotent power. This Didn't start until I was about 13 years old. Now, almost 14, I still believe that these gods and people exist. I have not revealed this to my friends nor my family.
Now, on to the next problem. I am both a misanthrope and a sociopath. When I'm at school I have two different personalities. The first personal is kind, gentle, hopeful, intelligent, and honest. The second personality is self conceited, clever, dominant, a total smartass, stuck-up, a loner, and can make anyone feel like an idiot. The first personality is a disguise, the second is how I truly am by nature and the one I favor the most. I believe I have anger issues and that most people in the world are idiots. To me a human being is nothing but an insect. I always say that usually adults are ignorant and children are naive. I am very impatient and somewhat of a tyrant. I have at least an ounce of hatred for everyone and always play by the rules of survival of the fittest. I consider myself to be a very wise person considering how well I explain things in life and how they make sense. I do not believe in common sense, and I am so stubborn that I have never used the phrases "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong". And this has probably nothing to do with anything, but I am extremely huge fan of anime and cats(which I use escape reality or cheer myself up)...
I still did not realize why I am admitting all of this but I was just wondering, what should I do? Being the way I am has caused so many problems and I'm tired of everything. I mean, I always was tired everything but now I have had ENOUGH!
A small example of this would be this: I'm a straight-A student who is wanted by the Ivy league. You may think that everything is going well for me and I have no problems at all. I ended quitting a few tests for skipping grades because it didn't seem worth it, algebra camp because I hated the teacher and her classroom is deppressing, and I even quit an SAT test that the Duke TIP prepared for me. Everything's going so wrong and this is just one of the little problems. While I was born with the perfect wings, I can't fly as beautifully as I want to and I'll always seems to fall when flying at first. I have stopped trying in life and I don't want to be anything. Every time someone says that I need to do something with my life, I always wish for the world to break in two and burn till there's nothing left!... I want stop the quitting, but continue with my fantasies that make me happy. Even though the people I have created aren't real, their still my friends that were created from the world I wish was real. I wish to keep these fantasies forever...

help me.

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  • Sorry, you're lying. You've mixed up too many mental conditions, so you really don't know what you're talking about. not even a good story either.

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