Absent Dad

That I say I hate my dad but really it's just a cover up so no one can see how badly I am hurting. I see him maybe once a year, and I always loath those visits because I know I'm not good enough for him. I'm overweight and not on any sports teams which means I'm a disappointment to him. Now he has a new daughter. He tries so hard to be in her life and yet he never makes the effort to come and see me. She's not even two and she's seen my dad more then I have over the last eighteen years.

I complain about how horrible he is, and how much I wish I never knew him but sometimes it's not true.

This year I graduated, and for the first time in years I made it on the honor roll. He couldn't even be bothered to send me a simple text to congratulate me. Instead he waited until my birthday a month later. The text read, 'happy birthday, congrats on grad, sorry your checks late'. Is that all I am to him? A check once a year?

To top it all off, he is spending hundreds of dollars on his new kid and he can't even spare anything so I can go to University. Now, I have to take a year off and get a full time job just so I can even consider going to college.

Is it wrong for me to wish more then anything that I was good enough to be his daughter?

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  • oh, and this is my account if you want to talk to someone :) (I'm the one that commented above)

  • I had the same problem with my dad when I was in school, and I know what you mean when you say that you hate him but only because you don't want people to see that he has hurt you.
    I always told people that I just didn't get along with my dad, and that I didn't care about him, but inside I was dying just to get a smile, or a hug from him.

    Now I'm in college and I don't have that problem anymore, not because he suddenly realized he was making a mistake, but because I realized that I was the one that was wrong, I expected more from him that he could ever give someone. I saw a therapist and she helped me see the reason why I thought about this so much. In my case, I know that my dad won't change, and he won't ever stop and think about what he did to me. I'm not sure if that's your case, but I suggest you get a therapist, it will help you move on too. I mean, maybe you can work things out with your dad, but a therapist could help you cope with what you've been through until now.

    I really don't mean to give you some cheap and sucking advice, but if he doesn't want to give you any money so that you can go to college (one of the most significant things you could experience in your life) he really doesn't deserve
    you caring so much about him.

    Good luck, and trust me, someday, when he sees the amazing person you've become he will regret now being in your life.

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