You know, all I ever want is for everyone to be happy, and look how far that s*** has gotten me. I bet my mom probably thought about abortion. I wasn't even f****** planned man. I get so p***** at her, and then I feel bad 'cause I know she's trying to be a good mother. I'm an emotional f****** wreck. I'm caught between being p***** as f***, and hating my life, and just trying to appreciate everything God has given me. I don't mean to be all sad and stuff, it's just, life is f***** up. : / I just wonder, why me? Why the h*** am I here? Why did I have to get this family? I'm not saying that in a bitter way (okay, maybe a little)but I really wanna know. I feel so f****** useless, like I'm just taking up space. What if my f****** purpose was to change my mom? What a f****** life. . . I don't even really curse like this, but there's no other way I feel like I can express myself. Today, my mom is being so f****** rude to everyone, and I'm just wondering WHAT THE F*** IS EVERYONE'S PROBLEM. If I could run away, I think I would. I'm so f****** tired of being here, with these f****** people who don't appreciate s*** that I do. Everyone makes me feel so unloved, I f****** hate it. The only thing that's keeping me sane right now is God, and the fact that school is starting up. I've been so lonely this summer. The thing is, I don't want to bring these issues into school. I don't want it to affect my schoolwork, or my school life. You know, I know God puts us here for a purpose and all, but when I see other people's lives it's like ... seriously? I know that there are people out there who have it worse than me, and if somehow I could change that.. I know in my heart that I would. Like I said, all I want is for everyone to be happy, but I also wanna be happy. I want to wake up, and be excited for a new day. So far, every f****** thing is getting on my f****** nerves and I don't know how much of it I can take. Sometimes I really hate my life. That's why I really really wish that I believed in reincarnation. The chance to do this life over? Man, I'd take it any day. A different family, a different me. . .
And you know, I think people don't like me that much in my family cause I'm a girl. Everyone loves boys, my mom even wished I was a boy, but I came out as a girl. I f****** hate my family sometimes. How f***** up everyone is, and how they don't even seem to care about it. Or me. F*** THIS LIFE, I'M READY FOR A NEW ONE.