How do I love someone less?
I have this issue with going all in when loving somone as deeply as I do. Granted, I've only been this much in love one other time, which was several years ago, but this time feels so much more real, true and more overwhelming.
I am in a relationship where I've expressed my fullest intentions, and she has too, but now she's slightly hesitant only because she feels somewhat too overwhelmed and that this relationship is not moving at the speed she wants it to. How do I hold back? I've gone all in, 100%, because I know this is it. She's committed to the idea of us growing old together, but now she's sort of got the jitters. I haven't proposed officially yet, as I'm waiting for the right time, but I really don't want to hold back all this feeling I have for her. She's started to put up some instinctual defensive mechanisms which she admits to doing to slow us down. She's even stopped saying certain things that she knows I've picked up on.
The problem I have with holding back is that whenever I do with someone who I might have that special chemistry with, I tend to look elsewhere for distractions. Some of those relationships might have turned out better, but no one knows now because I (sub)consciously sabotaged it as I was the hesitant one. Now she's doing the whole distraction thing, which scares me into thinking I might lose her. How do I back off without falling into my own trap? I know she wants to take it slow, but love and patience are two things that I have trouble working together. It's like stopping a freight train - it might take an incredible amount of effort to stop, and once stopped, it might take a while to get started again.
Is it even possible to love someone less when you've loved them as much as you can?