That after so many years, being twenty years old now, that i have my first true crush. I confess that it's difficult for me to right this to actually admit it point blank as he is my best friend and likes a different kind of girl that me that is not as big in the waist. I wish I could be what he wants, but for now I cannot even say this to any of my friends because they will pressure me to tell them who it is nonstop. I hope for now my feelings don't show until I can get my weight down. I'm not trying to change my weight for him, as this is what I've wanted to do for a while now... but it hurts me to see him liking other girls that are more attractive than me. All I can do is put on a smile while he gushes about other girls or comments "wow" when he sees a beautiful girl pass by. It doesn't help when he constantly compliments me to make me feel good, knowing sometimes I reject compliments.