I am happy

I'm not.
Everyday I have to drag myself out of be.
Everyday I have to remind myself not to be selfish.
Everyday I plaster on that smile you know so well.

Yes he hurt me, no he's not the reason I'm like this.

He's not the reason I want to die.
I always wanted to die.
He just tricked me into believing there was a reason to live.
I'm not some love sick teen, I am an adult.
I'm not foolish in thinking you need a man to be happy.
I'm a girl, who without the constant reminder of those reasons to live, I get tired of living.

I'm tired of being used, and tossed away.
I'm tired of being good enough only if it is a secret.
I'm tired of the lies.
I'm tired of those who pretend to care.
I'm Tired of living.

But I make myself remember...

I live for my mother, who fights cancer to be with me.
I live for my father, who never knew what a family could be.
I live for my brother who fights depression, and bullies.
I live for my friends who make me happy to have been parts of their amazing lives.

And sometimes...

Even that doesn't seem to matter.

What stops me? My cowardice, so I must want to live. right?

2 Comments

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  • You need Jesus.

    Romans 10:9-11 "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

    For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.

    For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed."

  • Well you have just posted my confession for me. I don't really know i'm in between. Maybe we do want to live, who cares all I know is that at this moment i'm alive and i have to stay that way.

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