Resignation or existential crisis
I have hurt people on my quest to be happy. and now know that mental illness is such that I can't stay consistently connected to myself. And I fear that know matta how much I love or think I love ... I may never touch happiness for more than an hour. I have let my girlfriend move in because I felt the pressure mounting and now I'm suffocating and it's not her. It's me . I need to live alone and I just couldn't except that this is my truth. Because I was too worried that desiring to live alone made me a genuine abnormal person. It sounds so stupid now. I was afraid of losing her and kept tellin myself love requires sacrifice and this is what normal people do. I've done therapy and meds and that's all well and fine. But there are so many layers to me. I'm tired. Not suicidal tired. Just to my soul tired.