I am a sociopath and I have only just recently become self-aware of this fact. I am writing a drunken confession because the number of people I can discuss this with is so small. My career would be over if this ever got out, as I am a teacher and I quite enjoy my job. I keep a blog on the internet under an anonymous guise about my experiences as a person with ASPD.
It impacts every relationship I have ever had, every lover, every friendship. People are assets. People are evaluated on a scale of value and usefulness and I have very few and very stunted emotional attachments. I lack empathy and cannot feel pain or sorrow. I am a robot who is hollow and cruel and completely narcissistic.
I use people. I manipulate them. My spectrum of emotions is so narrow and I take pain killers if only to feel more dead and empty and numb than I do in every day life which reminds me that I am indeed capable of feeling something, no matter how miniscule.
I wish I could tell those people I value most about this. I wish someone could understand how my logic works but I know it is a risk I cannot take and will never take and I'm pretty sure these drunken outburts on the internet are the end all be all of it.