Am I insecure about my girlfriend?

My girlfriend and I are in our 50's, and have a long distant relationship. We live 120 miles apart and usually see each other on the weekends. She is an independent, spirited lady. She is self-employed and has many male clients. More than once I have questioned about some of her clients.Not badgering, just asking if she is involved with any of them.She laughs it off, and says she doesn't get involved with her clients. In August I looked at one of her texts, and saw a text from someone asking if she wanted to see his pics. I asked her about it, and she said he was the lawn boy of one of her clients. She said he wanted to be a model, and she was trying to line him up with some other work she does. I didn't have cause for concern until 3 months later I saw a text where he said a massage would be nice, and she had plans to take him out to eat for his birthday. He is 30 yrs. old. Up to this time she has kept him under wraps from me. She never brings up his name to me, and never talks to him on the phone when I am around. She also changed his name in her phone to try and hide her transactions with him. She lied to me when I asked who this person was in her phone list, when it was him. I became upset, and told her it looks guilty to lie to me. She said she did because she didnt want to be badgered by me about him. I told her the secretiveness was not right, and looked bad. She said he was just a friend, and she grew up with many brothers and didnt feel it was wrong. She said if I hadn't badgered about her clients, she would have felt comfortable to not hide him from me. We have been together 3 yrs., and most the questions I had about other men were early on in the relationship. Other than her lying and concealing her friendship with him, I have had no reason not to trust her. She thinks its my problem because of my insecurity. She said it was ok to lie to avoid being hassled. I told her secrets and lying were bad for a relationship. I really dont feel like I ever badgered her? Just asked about someone once in awhile, and that was long ago. Am I sabotaging the relationship with insecurity, or is she helping make me uneasy? Also I asked her why she talked freely about her other male clients to me, and behaved like this man didnt even exist? I feel like its a "don't ask;don't tell" thing Im dealing with?

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  • Give space. that is all i can say.

  • She is covering an affair. A woman only puts a fake name in her phone and makes sure another guy doesn't ever call when you are around, it's because she has a wrong relationship and doesn't want you to know. She's a cheater now and she will always be a cheater whenever a guy catches her eye.

  • If the tables were turned, she would change her tune and be just as suspicious and insecure..guaranteed. And if it didn't bother her, then she must be okay with the situation or a great actress. Her brushing it off or lying about who she's in contact with does not solve the issue, it just makes it worse. Maybe you two need to rethink this relationship, because it is clearly not working right now. Maybe it's the distance. Anyway for you two to move closer to one another? or marriage? Personally, I would have an issue with anyone sending a text to my bf, regardless of their age, with the words "a massage would be nice" in it, it would raise huge red flags. And I wouldn't send a message to anyone about a massage unless I was joking or was making an appointment. Bottomline: You're both insecure but for different reasons and you both need to change your behaviors. She needs constant male attention to feel good about herself and doesn't care how it feeds into your insecurities. Accept that lots of people flirt, even when in relationships. It's an ego boost for her with all the male attention she gets. She may also get some enjoyment seeing that it makes you so jealous. You have two options.. break up with her because you no longer trust her and her reassuring you isn't convincing. Or stop looking through her phone and raising suspicious. And really trust her and let it go. Hope it works out for you two.

  • If you are in your 50's and are this insecure, then you have a problem. And are badgering her. I would have dropped your whiny ass the first time you snooped on my phone.

  • You are a hypocrite. The truth of the matter is, you are a man hater and boy does it show.

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