lately my boyfriend has been making me
lately my boyfriend has been making me so f****** upset. when we argue, he overreacts, everything's "always" or "never." i "never" do anything he wants to do. he "always" does things for me. it's not true. i cook for him, i give him head every f****** day (at least), i keep our condo absolutely beautiful. i'm supportive even though he lives off of his family's money and i don't really respect that. he's spoiled! he says I'M SPOILED! we're both spoiled.
i guess that's not really the confession, though. lately when we argue he throws things. not at me, but around me, and the noises scare me. the violence of it scares me - flipping tables, yelling, calling me names. we're arguing but it just seems to really scare me. i just immediately freeze and i spend the rest of the day sleeping because it hurts to be around him. the other 85% of the time, he's an absolute prince. he's thoughtful, he brings me things, he buys me everything i want, i don't have to do anything but... cook, give him b*******, and clean. he's respectful of my wishes for the most part and i have really high standards.
i don't know if i should break up with him. i don't know if i'm conditioned (by feminism, or my mother, or whatever) to just run away immediately at any sign of anger manifested in physical/loud ways. sometimes i wonder if i deserve better - then i look at my beautiful home, my beautiful things, and my completely spoiled and indulged life and i don't think i do. i mean, so many people are struggling, this is a sure thing, and i'm the first girl he's ever loved so maybe he has to iron out some of these problems.
i'm afraid that someday i'll regret my decision to stay. i'm afraid that one day it will escalate to shoving, or hitting, or beating and i'll use my "beautiful things/life/home" argument. i don't think he will, but the fact that i don't know for sure just really bothers me. i don't know if i'm overreacting. i don't know if i should leave him. if he knew that i was feeling this way his heart would be broken.