I do this to myself
Okay so I want to start off saying, this confession is no-one elses fault. I choose to do this to myself, I just need to tell someone. Okay, so when I was 8 I used to starve myself because, people around me would always call me fat. Even my own father did. At 8 I used to weigh 120 lbs. After I started starving myself I almost emmediantly dropped down to 75 lbs. So within a matter of just a month, possibly slightly less, I ended up loosing 45 lbs. I was 8 so I didn't find a problem with it. I weighed the least out of my 2 step-sisters, who were both older than me. After I lost that weight, I mantained it for a good 2 years. Then I started gaining again because I moved back with my mom, and she forced me to eat. So now, I am 13 and weigh 160 lbs. I went back to starving myself again. I want that 75 lbs back. I tell my brother that I put myself on a diet, and am working on loosing the weight. He believes me. I know if I tell him he will get mad with me, and make me eat. I don't want to eat. Half of the reason I don't eat is because it also makes me sick, no matter what time of day it is. I make sure I at least have something small in my stomach that way it doesn't look like I starve myself when I am around people. But, when I am alone I eat absolutely nothing. When I get home form shool, I go straight to my room to avoid any questions of what I want dor dinner. About 3 hours later I come out, and eat 2 teaspoons of peanutbutter, drink a tiny bit of milk, and I am right back in my room. Come dinner time, I get my own food that way I can make it look like I am eating, but, I am really eating very little. None of my family knows what I do to myself, and hopefully they don't find out. When I go down to my mom's house, I act like I don't feel good at all that way I don't have to eat. My mom doesn't suspect anything because, I haven't starved myself in so long. Well, this is basically all I have to confess right now. I just needed to get something off my chest for right now. Again, this is no-ones fault why I do this. I choose to do this to myself, because I am selfconscience about myself. But, thanks for reading this, and hopefully some of you out there will understand where I am coming from.