Wtf im i doing????

I broke up with my girlfriend 7 months ago...reason was because i was leaving the country and going to go lie foreign...6 months later came back to my home town..buck my ex-gf...we went to her work.(she the boss). we went to a room and we fuked. and evrytime i go to her work we have s** or she gives me a nice bj until i c** on her mouth..i kinda like it..she is 18 years old.she still lives with her parents. and her partns don't like me at all because of a court case i had b4 that i would have gone o jail for 4 years. but luckily the cases was drop. i don't have a gf.its my choose..i just like to go f** my ex and also my neighboors daughter..but sometimes i feel kinda depress..that i would want to find a girl that i can love and have a child with her and spend the rest of my life with have a good s** life...but that is just a fantacy..well yeah just wanted to confess it..i dont trust nobody. so nobody know all the problems im going tru..and this is a par of my problem...hope to meet someone to help me with my problem and guide me and advise me...

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