I feel constantly down at the moment. I'm usually a very happy and loud person and have been throughout my whole life. I still don't know how I've managed to stay happy this far because I've never had a good relationship with my mum. In fact it's an terrible relationship. I used to dislike her to the point where all I said to her was the minimum amount of words.
Now it's gotten worse. Recently she was screaming (and yes please don't think I'm being over dramatic) at me saying I never help with anything even though I do (Walk my dog, wash up, clean my room etc.). Anyway I started shouting back and she just hit me round the face. For a moment I was shocked and for that split second I hit her back. The car we were in almost crashed and I wish it had... Hopefully killing me.
I know I shouldn't have hit her... I've struggled with my emotions since I was really young and I've always managed to keep my anger under control but it was that one split second was enough. I feel awful and I've started cutting my legs because of it. No one will see my legs that way.
I feel so lonely. My sister has her own problems, with GCSE's and everything so I can't bother her. I can't worry my dad with it because he will try to help but it never does anything.
All I want is to confess this. I'm fourteen by the way. Any comments would be useful. I put this post in other cuz I didn't know where else to put it. I dream of the future but I know I'll be forever alone. I'm ugly, unfit and generally just a horrible person. I hate my mum so much now I cringe every time she touches me. I'm probably being over dramatic now that I think about it but I felt like confessing it because I feel so alone.