I'm not sure what I should do....

Ok,so here goes...I know this guy,we were f.w.b. basicly for like the last 3 or for 4yrs.When we did see each other it was usually when my kids were in school or staying with my mom for a weekend or whatever.As time went on he made it seem like he wanted more between us,but the frustrating part was after we'd spend time together he would "disappear"from anywhere from 2 weeks to a month. Then I'd get a text about how much he has missed me & can't wait to see me & how he had to go out of town for work that's why I haven't heard anything from him. I started getting tired of it.The whole time before we would see each other I would hear how he wants to be with me and no1 else & how he wants to start spending time with my kids blah blah..then poof gone well 1 day I hear from him he wants to see me & when I can't that day he says fine I'm on my way home don't text me till I text u.I thought that was weird so I look on his facebook & see where he changed his relat.stat.4 months before to in a relat.with So&So.The next day I ask him & he quit talking to me that went on for months, he'd text me saying how he missed me & needed me & needed to see me,I would ask him well if u have a gf why do u need me?every time I'd bring her up he quit talking to me.Then he just started showing up at my house(this has been going on once a month for over a yr)without calling or texting says he lost his phone & never got a new 1(over a yr ago he also deleted his fb).Everytime he tries to get me to let him in & tries hugging on me & kissing me but I won't have it & he tries his hardest to get me to sleep with him,but I won't do it.He will question me why I am being so "cold" or "mean"to him & when i say don't you have a gf he will just kinda smile & say it's not what u think. Then he will leave.I haven't seen him for about 3 months & I thought he finally gave up.Well,last week he shows up at my house says he still don't have a phone & he has been out of state for the last few months working.When I asked about his gf he says nah thats been done u know ur the only 1 I want & since u had a prob.she is gone now.I'm not sure why but I had a feeling he was lieing to me.So I did what a friend said & tried find him on f.b.no luck but I found his brother which led me to his gf's page & low & behold there are ton's of pic's of them togther & even 1 with her holding his hand with a RING! & a sonagram pic.!The last few months he wasn't out of state working he was with her out of state at her famlies houses.I am tired of his games & I know he will be back soon.I have told him before not to come over here anymore I have told him before to leave me alone but he won't.So should I email her & tell her that for their whole relat.he has been coming to me,& before I found out about her we were sleeping together those 1st 4months of their relat.I don't know what else to do.A friend told me to take pics,of him at my house so I have proof & record him saying that they aren't together.I don't want to seem like I am out to get him & that I want him because I don't I have met some1 I really like.But I have been in her shoe's with my kids dad,and it really sucks being betrayed by some1 you think is the 1 for you.Should I do what my friend said or just hope he leaves finally?

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  • Ok, so this morning 10/6 I'm sound asleep in my bed & I felt someone kiss my cheek my 1st thought was omg did I sleep all day & the kids are already home?!?!?!(that is how my 5yr old wakes me up)then I hear a giggle(clearly not my 5yr old) my eyes fly open to HIM standing next to my bed!!! He says suprise! I'm leaving for work & will be gone a few months so I thought I would come by & see you before I leave..I know I had to have a crazy look on my face cuz he says oh I found 1 of the doors unlocked thats how I got in.I look at my phone & it was barely 8:30am.I know I was prob.still looking all crazy cuz he says I peeked in your door & saw you were in bed by yourself so I came in if you wouldn't have been then I would have just slowly backed out & left.Then he says well are you suprised? I was like umm yea.Then after listen to him talk about how he wanted to see me before he left & all that crap I was just looking at him & he says what? You look like you have something to say to me,so I told him I knew about him being engaged & about the baby on the way & he really just need to leave me alone..That just rolled off of him like oil on water cuz he looks at me smiles real big & says hey guess what I finally got a new phone so I will be able to call & text you while I'm gone.He pulls it out & turns it on to see the time & low & behold the screen saver is of him & her! He turned it & just acted like everything was fine. I really don't know what to do about him at all! Like who does that kind of crap?!?!

  • Who does that? Who DOES that? A psychopath does that! If you can't move away while he's gone (and can we even be certain he's really "gone"?), then at a minimum, you need to change your locks (he almost surely copied your key, which is how he got in this morning), add dead bolts or chain guards, or whatever other protection on the doors that you can afford. And you need to get an alarm system. Then, once you've done all that, you need to change your phone number(s), change your email address, get off of facebook (so he can't stalk your activities), and drop off the radar. If he finds you, tell him it's over. OVER! Tell him not to call, not to write, not to email, and not to come over. If he shows up after that, you call the cops. Immediately. Because if he finds you after all that it's because he intends you harm. I mean, I think that's clear now, but that can't be proved to the satisfaction of the law. However, if he defeats your attempts to distance yourself, and ignores your instruction to make no contact, he'd clearly be committing a crime. The guy is nuts, hun, like DANGEROUSLY nuts. Stop playing around with this fire, or you'll wind up burned. Or worse. Please get away from this lunatic. Yes, he's a horrible liar, but he is SO much more than that. Don't be the one he proves it on.

  • I was in a similar situation and so I know it's hard. I was with this guy and the s** was really unbelievable like the best I ever had in my entire life and so good I couldn't give it up. But he was like your guy and he would just f****** disappear for days and weeks and then he would just show up at my place without even calling. So after putting up with it for months and months and months (over a year) I broke up with him and started dating this new man like 12 years older than the first one and the relationship was totally great and he helped with my bills but the s** was just okay. I would mostly stay at his place but sometimes we stayed at mine. My ex would still sometimes show up at my place and I couldn't resist but he never came when my new guy was there until one night he DID do that and I couldn't resist him and my new guy saw that in me and left and so we broke up because I couldn't say no to the ex. Please don't give up the great guy you have for this ex of yours because you're going to regret it like I do. I still can't say no to him and unfortunately now he knows that and uses it against me. Don't let your ex do that to you and your children. I feel for you and I wish you only the best!

  • This guy has been given enough chances. He's clearly living a double life. He's just using you at this point. When he gets bored of his wife and home life, that's when you look really good to him. Choose yourself and your kids and don't send pics or anything. Don't stoop to that level. It's just not worth it. Just ignore him but be aware because we don't truly know what he's capable of. He sounds like someone who shouldn't be near you or near your kids. He's a liar. Do not engage with him..Do not open the door if he comes by or answer his calls. You may have to act a bit more forceful and call the cops and have him arrested for harassment/trespassing if he refuses to get the hint. Definitely start seeing the new guy. Best of luck.

  • What really drives me crazy is he just shows up! My kids could be home & a truck pulls up & it's him. Then I have to go out there tell him he has to leave & he will try to stay & be like right there praticly standing on my feet & 1 of my kids will come out simply because they want to know who is here.He had no clue where I lived when we were seeing each other or whatever you want to call it. I wouldn't let him come here. He just knew "about" where lived. The 1st time he showed up was because the day before he was bored & was riding around & saw my car & me & some friends outside so that day he didn't stop but he came back the next day. I have gave him no reason to think I want to still see him I have told him to go away but end the end I think I will have to have the cops come out.I really don't know how else to get it in his head.

  • Just don't engage him. If you see him pull up, call your kids into the house and just don't talk to him. Say you can't talk right now and tell him he needs to go back home to his wife. And just close the door. Be really careful with this guy, sometimes there is switch that makes something seem innocent turn to dangerous. He just sounds so creepy and stalker-ish. Start documenting his actions. Maybe even talk to a police officer and see what your options are. They may advise for you to get a restraining order..but he hasn't done anything illegal. He's just annoying and a nuisance. Make sure your friends and family know about this guy. Hopefully, he just gives up but sounds like it's cyclical and so in a couple of weeks he'll try again. Just always be aware of your surroundings and stay safe. I think sometimes I watch to many shows on Investigation Discovery (lol)...but seriously..you just never know what people are capable of. And better to be safe than sorry.

  • No, just cut him off and let it go. Sending pix and doing the other things just looks desperate and needy and controlling and vengeful, and it won't do any good for you. You found out what he is, and that's the best piece of information you could possibly have. Turn your back on him and the relationship and find someone who can be fully present in your life and the lives of your children without condition or contrivance. There are guys out there who are capable of doing that. This guy, sadly, isn't one of them. It's sad for you, of course, because you cared about him. But most of all, this is sad for him, because he had someone as wonderful and as patient and as understanding as you in his life . . . AND HE RUINED IT. He knowingly ruined it. This is ALL on him. Move on.

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