Unknowingly the other woman

Been with a guy for 3 years, he was 8 months married back then, and the wife was pregnant with their first kid, he told me that she cheated on him but the baby's paternity test turned out to be his. he said they were going to push through with the divorce, i asked him to prove it to me, and showed me papers.. from then on i started to be just a little more confident, i was sure that he loved me and cared for me. i can say that i never felt like the other woman.

3 years into our relationship, we started to fall apart. we would fight but he'd always come back to me, doing drastic measures just to get me back again. so one day, i told him, that if we couldn't stay away from each other, and were obviously still in love, then maybe we should dive in and finally fix our relationship. (I'm on my late 20s and I've never planned out my future with him; but this time i told him i was ready). he said that he can't for now because he want me to spill everything that I've kept from him (i have a history of keeping things from him and he'd always catch me; only minor stuff though and not as much as cheating). so i told him that if he can't have a relationship with me, we better move on separately because i feel like I'm not getting any younger and my relationship with him was not going anywhere --but then he'd say that he can't let me go.

That same night, i found out that he just had another kid with his "wife" and that they weren't really getting divorced. i confronted him but denied his kid and told me that he really is getting divorced and the results will be out this year.

I stopped the relationship and stayed away from him.

What is eating me alive right now is the guilt and urge to tell his wife; not to get back at him- for all i know the wife might just forgive him; also not to destroy his family- because he clearly did that to himself; and i don't really believe that this is none of my business because he consciously made me a part of it when he decided to lie to my face for three years.

I f****** hate cheaters and he knows that when he first knew me. i am very particular with this situation because i hate men who just go around fooling girls --and knowing most women, they would just let it pass and keep quiet, giving men more confidence in toying other women. i really believe that we should speak up so they'd get a sense of what they are doing.

Of course, i was really shocked that this happened to me, knowing that I've been careful with these kind of men.

I would keep it to myself if i knew that he was married.. but we did have a deep and serious relationship; i was gonna have a baby with him; but lost it (about the same age with their 2nd baby).. he deliberately named theirs with the name that was supposed to be our baby's and admitted that he did give that name so he'd always remember the love that he lost.

such a psycho.

so i don't know, I've somewhat made up my mind to face the wife. talk to her sincerely; face the anger, depression; whatever her reaction would be. i just want to do the right thing.. but still want to hear a married woman's perspective; particularly ones with kids.. would you want to know if your husband is cheating on you? emotionally and physically.. or would you just stay blind for your kids?

PS. the paternity test and divorce papers were obviously fake, as to what his friend told me. and they asked me to keep quiet and deny everything if ever his wife finds out. (yeah, sure). the fact that he was cheating on his wife while she was pregnant with their two kids grosses the h*** out of me!! and if i were in her situation, i would sure want to know if my husband is cheating. I'm just not sure if other women would like that.

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  • She has the right to know! I was blindsided when I caught My ex husband cheating he cheated on me since before we got married he even cheated on our wedding night! I wished someone would have told me then before I married the cheating @$$hole! We had kids before we got married and had a few more after we got married We had one on the way and I found out I filed for a divorce and told him that he doesn't have to cheat anymore I am done and told his girlfriend that she could have him she didn't know he was married or had children so now he has no wife no girlfriend and lost custody because he decided to deny he was the father and to accuse me of cheating and the judge gave me full custody off all five of our kids and him visitation rights but even after unnecessary paternity test that all of them was his he wanted nothing to do with them. My children have to suffer not getting to see there dad and one never getting to know his father because some of his side piece of @$$ wouldn't speak up when they found out he was married they knew and kept quiet and the girlfriend that didn't know was very apologetic even though she didn't know!

  • I can’t get over the whole situation that you lost a baby and that a****** took the name you had picked out and named his second child with it. That’s just cold. Be glad that you’re not with him. He sounds like he has a lot of issues and cheating is just one of them. He went to a lot of trouble to prove things to you like the divorce papers. To answer your question. As much as it would hurt to hear, I would want to know. I would want to know who I am with. Especially with this guy and all of his antics. You are most likely not the only one he’s done this too. You can’t control how she will react or her decisions thereafter. Some people can work through this. This may be an ongoing theme in their relationship that she chooses to ignore. But I bet he lies to everyone he encounters. And if this guy thinks that when you tell his wife that you did something to him or his family....HE can blame himself. He is solely responsible for the consequences of his actions. He did this to himself a long time ago. You’re just preventing it from continuing with anyone else.

  • I have been in your shoes also....I would want to know. And the wife deserves to know. Because he's just going to find someone else to replace you. That's not fair to her either. She deserves a chance at happiness also. He deserves nothing but what he get's.

    He's a liar, to you (which isn't fair) and also to her. I'm sure he talks the good talk and say's I don't want to be with her, I'm only staying for my kids....it's a lie.

    You should tell her! I would want to know.

  • I have been with my husband three years and we have two small children together. I honestly would want to know but I doubt I would leave him. Not because I cant live without him but because I dont want to nor do I have to. I have done plenty of things throughout our relationship that he knows nothing about so sometimes you have to toss it up to karma. However, the fact that you were pregnant would be a complete deal breaker for me. All bets are off and show me where to sign.

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