In too deep, but not deep enough
My confession is not something I am proud of but maybe just being able to publicly tell it will help me not feel so badly. At least telling it here I can remain obscure cause I would sure hate for family to find out that it’s me let alone what I have been doing.
I’ve been married now for about a year, I was 16 when I met my husband, in fact we were in HS together and by my seventeenth year our parents had given us permission to get married because I was pregnant. Being young and having no money and having no place to live we decided right after we got hitched we had to moved right in with his parents cause they had the room.
My honeymoon was in a furnished basement provided by my hubby’s parents which wasn’t too bad cause it’s a nice place.. clean too. Needless to say we had setup housekeeping with his mom and dad. We do everything they do, go almost everywhere they go, and watch TV together and play games, ect.. It’s been fun actually and they have made me feel so welcome and wanted outside my own family.
The sad thing is I had a miscarriage shortly before my 12th week and that was h****** me to have such a loss so young. Anyways my hubby was of little comfort to me cause all he could do was run and have fun with his friends, and my mother-n-law was always too busy with her work and life to spend any time with me.. I was depressed. Since my father-n-law had his own business and worked from home, he was a wonderful comfort to me. I didn’t realize it at first, but came to realize later that he is a very gentle man with a great personality. He would talk with me seriously and help me through my sadness always encouraging me and telling me how smart I was and how lucky my son was to have such a pretty wife, he made me feel like I was appreciated. Frequently he would tease me and make me laugh and I began to depend and look to him whenever I needed anything. He help me through my loss, and depression and I was very grateful because he was there for me.
My hubby and I seem to always be kinda distant after we lost the baby, but we got along good so that made things easier to continue our marriage, and since his parents were fine with us living there with them it kinda made it simpler not to look for a place of our own. I was glad actually because I felt safer and more secure with his dad around and being under his roof.
Here is the thing, I’ll just come right out with it, my father-n-law and I have been having an affair. We are doing it right under everybody’s nose and no one knows a thing about it. We only have s** whenever everyone else is occupied, which is quite often. My hubby is quite happy hanging with his friends, and his mom is always busy with her life and her job, that’s when we make quality time for each other sexually. The s** is awesome and he knows how to please me better than anyone I’ve had, even my husband. He introduced me to what it feels like to have o****** he has opened me up to so many things. My contribution which I happily offer to satisfy my father-n-law is my young body which he is totally addicted to. Life is so much more fulfilling with him, he’s a man, a real man, a caring man and I think I am in love with him because of those reasons I mentioned.
I am ashamed to say this, but I would dump my hubby in a heartbeat for his dad, I married the wrong man! No! I didn’t marry a man cause I never knew what a real man was until I met and lived with my father-n-law. If he would devoice his wife I would marry him in a second and make a life with him. At least then I’d know I would be loved and cared for.. I wish it would happen.
I know, call me a home wrecker, a s***, a cheater, a b****, a lousy wife.. You’re right I am all those things and I feel badly about it! I want to have a fulfilling and happy life and it’s right in front on me, but, it’s not up to me I don’t have the know how or the maturity to make it happen! It’s even crossed my mind to go off the pill and let my father-n-law f*** me pregnant maybe that would help, but I won’t cause that would be a trap and he’d be displeased with me. In too deep, but not deep enough is an understatement to say the least.
I don’t suppose there would be any intelligent suggestions out there that would help me to feel better an to get me on the right path.. would there?