When i was a little boy I felt traumatized when my mother slapped me over the shoulder a d it felt really bad. I didnt think i would be afftected that bad but i was really sensitive and i was totally agree with her and its like i seen the entire world differently after that.
I would try to talk to her when i was a young boy and it was like she totally ignoranced me and I felt very down and just rejected. Like i could not go to her to talk for help or just love and care. So I withdrew from her. And i just suppressed emotions and did not seriously talk to her again.
Then one time my sister ans mom would say things to me that sounded absolutely rude mean and ugly hateful. Like i disgusting to them like that hated me being in there presence. Like i was a disgraced to the human race to them. It felt so hateful. It felt absolutely terrible. I felt like i was a great faliure like a trash at a dumpster
I woukd say like to myself why am i such a bad idea to them. What type of wickedness do I have. And why are they are ao perverse and so down and against me so with a vengeance as if i mean nothing or will never be nothing like trash crap. It was hurtful a small kid. The were very hust dreadful. Hateful. Evil. And i just did not understand what i had been doing to make them want to trwat me so filthy and and disgraceful at the age of 4 years old. And such like a ridiculous human being to them. Why? Do they treat me so ridiculously. Like i an am a problem child. Like i was awful at the look at myself or something. It is like i know it was not right but i felt as if i had no choice because it is like my mind did not know any difference. I thought everyone was all about love and not hated and would never br hated. It seems as if they were the worst hated enemies ive ever had. I think they really dispised themselves. But i couldnt believe that much hate could come from individuals. Im still b in disbelief. Its like almost they were say ehy was i even born can u go back and it is like my mother would cheer in or something. I though she had my back like truly cared for my well being but it seems as if she really did not but thr question was i was i going to survive after realizing this at such a very young age. It is the first time i have ever spoke or written this