He just polished off a bottle of vodka and left.

My boyfriend told me that he perceives me as being an "unhappy person" and that I've changed a lot since we started dating. I flat out told him that yes, I was a happier person in the first few months of our relationship but asked him to evaluate why that is true. He has said and done extremely hurtful things to me, beating me down until I was a shell of the person I had been. This past year has been one of the most difficult periods of my life and I haven’t had the prettiest life. I informed him pretty early on that I had been sexually abused growing up and because of that I have intimacy issues. He then found out (through basically interrogating me for hours) that I slept with more people than he deemed appropriate. That’s when it all fell apart. The first couple months after that were the worst. He called me every name in the book, berated me, spoke down to me, and all but demanded absolute control over me and my body. I found naked pictures of myself on his phone that he had taken while I was sleeping. He told me point blank that he no longer saw me as a person, but rather an object that belonged to him. He has told me multiple times (including tonight) that he finds it impossible to feel anything romantic for me if on days that we don’t have s**. He doesn’t even want to be in the same room as me if he doesn’t think I will have s** with him that day. Then he doesn’t understand why I don’t want to.
I have had to rebuild myself again and again as he would either apologize and promise to change only to be hurtful all over again or, the few times I have tried to end the relationship, marched out into the field by our house with a gun in his hand saying he was “done living like this” and I had to chase him and beg him not to hurt himself. One night, tired of fighting, I locked myself in our bedroom, only for him to break the door down. I know that these are manipulative and dangerous behaviors but I don’t know how to separate myself from the situation at this point. He is leaving for the military in 26 days and I am so relieved for the break from it all. If it wasn’t for my career that I have worked so h****** I would pack up and run far away before he could come back. I know he doesn’t like me, even though he claims to still be in love me and that’s why “it’s worth suffering through our relationship”. I am hoping that while he’s gone he realizes that he doesn’t love me and decides to break things off himself. I don’t what will happen otherwise. I know that I’m exhausted and honestly, so disappointed in myself for letting it go on so long. I feel so weak and stupid. I try so hard to hold on to the good memories from before he turned into this person. I’ve never loved someone so much. I had never seen someone look at me with so much love in their eyes before him. I’m such an idiot for hoping that person will come back to me, but I find myself praying for it most nights. I miss him so much and it never stops hurting. What is wrong with me?

12 Comments

  • newest
  • oldest
  • most replies
  • most popular
  • You sound depressed and should seek therapy for yourself in order to get over it. See your medical doctor soon and give some serious thought to whether you can continue with your mate. From the sound of things, it might be better to forget him and move on with your life. Take care now.

  • Go over a girlfriends house and hide, and let him do him. I had a girlfriend who was abusive and I kept letting it go on because I was weak and afraid of being alone and one day it almost cost my my life she went down my face with a kitchen knife. For yourself you need to get away from him be safe about it when he's gone just up and leave or it will never stop he will continue to do so until he does something that he cant take back. I almost lost an eye I have the claw scars from the encounter my chest looks deformed because of herI've got patches of pink all over my chest and those are marks from when would slice me with her nails from the encounter, she's busted my lip, blacked my eye, and my testicles have minor scars from her one of them while no longer work in a few years time because I was too stupid leave her, and every time I would try to leave she would call the police and tell them I was beating on her or she'd call her mom and tell her the same thing I was tired of it so the one time I lost control and almost hit her, I almost punched her square in the nose I knew she had to leave it was beginning to get dangerous for the both of us.

  • Continued from above: Sitting on the other side of this computer screen I stand behind you 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000%

  • Get of him. You'll find someone with a good heart who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.

  • Are you in an abusive relationship like I was at one time? I finally acted upon some words of wisdom that I heard somewhere saying, "It's either my way or the highway". In other words, dump trash and don't look back. It's the only way you can ever hope to regain your dignity.......

  • People like this never change. If he polished off a bottle of vodka then he will always be a drunk. Do you want an out of control person like him to be the man in your life? You may have problems but he has more of them than you do. Get rid of him. Tell him your breaking up with him. If he hangs around call the police and get a restraining order on him. He isn't worth i

  • Get rid of the damn drunk. He'll never change and if you have problems now being with that drunk will only make it worse.

  • People like this never change. If he polished off a bottle of vodka then he will always be a drunk. Do you want an out of control person like him to be the man in your life? You may have problems but he has more of them than you do. Get rid of him. Tell him your breaking up with him. If he hangs around call the police and get a restraining order on him. He isn't worth it.

  • Dear Friend,
    I know that you love this guy but get rid of this j*** - he is bad for your mental health and self worth. Then take some time to appreciate your good qualities by being good to yourself and staying single for a while. Therapy would also help you very much because you have a lot issues which need addressing and healing. Take care now and please let us know how you're doing.

  • First off you polished off a bottle of vodka! Drinking and drugs will only make things worse.

    You have been abused in your past and think you are not worthy of being loved - YOU. ARE WORTHY OF BEING LOVED RESPECTED AND CARED FOR!

    Secondly, I think you need to get rid of him (restraining order). , I've been where you are and almost got killed.

    Last and most important, your boyfriend has worse issues than you; seek therapy for what you've gone through and don't date anyone until you get your confidence back - good luck

  • First off you polished off a bottle of vodka! Drinking and drugs will only make things worse.

    You have been abused in your past and think you are not worthy of being loved - YOU. ARE WORTHY OF BEING LOVED RESPECTED AND CARED FOR!

    Secondly, I think you need to get rid of him (restraining order). , I've been where you are and almost got killed. Best to death .

    Last and most important, your boyfriend has worse issues than you; seek therapy for what you've gone through and don't date anyone until you get your confidence back - good luck

  • First off you polished off a bottle of vodka! Drinking and drugs will only make things worse.

    You have been abused in your past and think you are not worthy of being loved - YOU. ARE WIRRHY OF BEING LIVED REAOECTED AND CARED FOR!

    Secondly, I think you need to get rid of him (restraining order). , I've been where you are and almost got killed. Best to death .

    Last and most important, your boyfriend has worse issues than you; seek therapy for what you've gone through and don't date anyone until you get your confidence back - good luck

Account Login
Signup
Is this post inapropriate?
Is this comment inapropriate?
Delete this post?