I Should Stayed in the Water Longer
I tried to kill myself this morning by floating in the ice cold lake. Within 30 seconds my body hurt so bad. I stayed in as long as I could (about 5 minutes) then I got out. The pain was intense. My body was numb-feeling and felt detached when I tried to stand up. My heart was racing. It's been almost 12 hour now and 2 hot showers later and I am still not warm. I am not numb but I am still cold. I am so disappointed in myself. I should have been able to stand the pain. It was the one thing I didn't see listed when I researched death by hypothermia. Winter is coming to an end so I will try again soon, next time with pain killers on board. No one knows. Not my husband. Not my best friend. Not even my dog. I pray for a successful suicide next time.