I don't think I have depression because I don't want to overdramatise this. I'm 15 and it all started when I got anxiety attacks more and more often. I'd always had them, my mother isn't the best. We have an awful relationship and it's just been going downhill fast ever since she hit me. I hit back and felt guilty but at the same time I felt numb because I knew it wasn't normal.
Before that, a few weeks before, one of my closest friends had died. She was only 13 and it was after her birthday. That was in 2013. Early in 2014 I lost my dog, we where forced to rehome her, and that made me feel so numb yet so sad. I'd cry myself to sleep each night. Now I'm in year 10 I feel like everyone hates me, I deserve to die and I get these feelings of just being hopeless. I self harm but I don't know why. I do smile and laugh but afterwards when I'm alone or if I've just stopped laughing I'll feel angry with myself for having a fun time.

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  • Just want to let you know that I'm going throught the same kinda stuff and I know how you feel, I have self harmed but not enough to be "regularly". I guess what I'm trying to say is that your not going through it alone

  • Thank you so much. I dont have many people I can talk to because I have some trust issues. I keep getting paranoid that people hate me. My relationships with people have recently been going downhill as well. I haven't talked to anyone about this but my dad has already suggested seeing a counsellor because he's determined to make my relationship with my mum better. I've become even more negative and say things that I'd never usually say but they sort of just come out, all negative.

  • Sure. Your dad is a smart guy. It can't hurt to talk to someone. If you don't like that therapist, speak up and find someone who resonates with you. The paranoia about people hating maybe just that. It may just be lack of confidence and so you think everyone doesn't like you. There are some little things that may help you that you can do on your own, like little things to take care of yourself. Thinking positively. When something negative enters your mind, change that thought. ie.. Everyone hates me. Change it to.. Everyone loves me and why not because I'm amazing. That's not hard? And then other things can just make you feel better overall. So getting enough sleep, drinking water, watching what you eat, limiting sugar, exercise, meditation.. when you feel good about invite the same into your life. And if you're not really happy, sometimes your friends don't know how to help you. Have you thought about writing in a journal? Sometimes writing your thoughts down can be really therapeutic. I was never good at that. Every entry started..Dear Diary, sorry for not writing. But for some, it really helps. In any case, don't get down when you have a bad day. Just keep moving through it and keep on investing in you, you're worth it.

  • It could be a mixture of a lot of things. You are young and sometimes hormones can make anyone a bit more emotional. Your anxiety attacks could leave you in a heightened state, maybe make you bit more sensitive to situations. But please know, it's okay to feel and to talk about what you're feeling. What you have to say and what you feel is important. But depression could be definitely what you're experiencing. Have you talked to anyone about what you've been going through? You admitting or even thinking you have depression is not over-dramatizing anything. It's something that you should tell someone so you can get help. From your post, it sounds like a lot has been going on in your life that you haven't really dealt with. Sorry for the loss of your friend and even your dog. Even though she was re-homed, she's not with you. In times of grief or sadness, it's okay to laugh and smile. It's actually healthy. People do not hate you and you deserve to live a happy life. Hopefully, one day you and your mom can better your relationship. For now, work on being the best you that you can be. Go speak with a therapist, it can make a world of difference for you.

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