I don't think I have depression because I don't want to overdramatise this. I'm 15 and it all started when I got anxiety attacks more and more often. I'd always had them, my mother isn't the best. We have an awful relationship and it's just been going downhill fast ever since she hit me. I hit back and felt guilty but at the same time I felt numb because I knew it wasn't normal.
Before that, a few weeks before, one of my closest friends had died. She was only 13 and it was after her birthday. That was in 2013. Early in 2014 I lost my dog, we where forced to rehome her, and that made me feel so numb yet so sad. I'd cry myself to sleep each night. Now I'm in year 10 I feel like everyone hates me, I deserve to die and I get these feelings of just being hopeless. I self harm but I don't know why. I do smile and laugh but afterwards when I'm alone or if I've just stopped laughing I'll feel angry with myself for having a fun time.