Its Very Complicated
Im so in love with you all I think about is f*****ng you, day and night. Hard, fast, slow, deep. Constant.
10 times a day a feeling washes over me ---hits me in my solar plexis.
That’s when I know you’re sending me love.
I want to share long peaceful naps with you under soft covers and wake up wrapped in your arms and lazily kiss your lips and your face for hours.
I want to feel your breath on my lips, your soft lips on my collar bone.
I want to grab your hair as you rub my back and crush your body into mine.
I want you to hold me so close to you that I can feel your heartbeat. I never want you to let me go.
I want to stare into your eyes for hours and hours and hours until I lose myself in you.
All I need is in your eyes. All of the answers to the million questions I have for you are there.
I want to hear your voice. I want you to whisper my name.
I want a life with you—to live as man and wife. You are my One True Love.
Its complicated. Those things will never happen.
The most I can do is to find indirect ways to show you that I love you.
I keeping my guard up.
I tell you I don’t want you, so you will stop thinking about me, hoping that will break this link—and it finally seems to be working.
I have starved you of my presence, in every way possible, hoping you will move on.
Inside I tell myself it would have never worked out anyway. “You’re not my type, I’m not your type.” As if ‘type’ has anything to do with This Love.
Yes I keep my distance...its what I do best. I never glance your way. I never speak your name.
I wear the ice mask when I see you.
I date your opposites—so that I’m not reminded of what I can never have,
to dull the pain,
to fight my constant daydreams,
to fight my never ending need for you,
so that one day this curse will end,
and I will forget that you ever existed.
Because not having you is h*** on earth.
And I will do whatever it takes for as long as it takes, to get over your brilliant mind,
your precious heart
your beautiful face.
Your Love for me,
and My Love for you.