I love him, but I don't want to be a homewrecker

I've been involved in an affair for 15 months with a married guy. I'm not proud of it but I actually do love him and he actually does love me. I don't want people to think I ruined their marriage but I really DO want him out of it so he can be with me. He wants the same but he feels obligated to her and their kids. I don't want to have to wait any longer. I want him out NOW.

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  • If you truly love him, stay with him no matter what he does (or doesn't do) about his family situation. Love is too rare to cast aside on some flawed principle.

  • You are an adult and you can make your own decisions about who you spend your time with, and what you say to family and friends about who you spend your time with. My only advice is this: please, please, PLEASE do not spend your life in the mere hope that this man will leave his family and become yours. Certainly that could happen. It has happened before. However, those odds are very long. Painfully long, one might say. The risk you run is that you wake up one morning at 45 or 60 and realize that you have devoted your entire life to a dream, and that you cannot recover the ground you've lost and find happiness with a man who truly deserves you. For now, it appears that this man doesn't deserve you.

  • Very well said. Very realistic and practical approach..

  • So, if he does end up with you, will history repeat it self. This time you'll be the wife number 2 at home, while he will have another on the side, and tell her that he can't leave you, because once again he will tell her he feels obligated to you..

  • If you really think that even in the best case scenario, that he leaves her and everyone's happier because of it, please bear in mind what most people in your position don't seem to anticipate, which is that while you may believe that he would leave his wife and have no further dealings with her, they have children between them and unless the guy is a complete j*** who cuts them out of his life (and they will never want anything to do with them again), you will most certainly have the ex-wife and kiddies around in some capacity for the rest of your time with your boy-toy (oops I mean... wellll I meant boy-toy). That could be years. Happened to someone close. His wife left him nearly 40 years ago, and he's still gotta deal with her in his 80's in his eighties!!! That could be you!

  • Thanks for your candor. I appreciate the perspectives. I certainly don't want his wife in my life AT ALL (we hate each other), and I would want him focused on my children not hers. I appreciate your input.

  • I am also seeming a married man (much like you not proud of this fact), and also like you I would love him to leave her to be with me. But here's the thing...if he was really unhappy and wanted to leave he would. The kids are an excuse, but like someone below said the kids would end up resenting you even if you're not fully to blame. He does enjoy the attention and s**. I know that is the case with the man I am "seeing" (f*cking). He probably cares very much about you too, but if he truly loved you he would be with you, no matter what. I am speaking to us both when I write this. We both need to move on. If it is meant to be it will happen, but we can't sit around waiting and wasting our lives. Good luck (to us both).

  • I'm glad that you wrote to me about your situation. I know what you're saying is right: my man loves the devoted attention he gets from me, and he totally loves all the s** we have (much more than he has with her). I wish YOU good luck, too.

  • He does not love you in the same way you love him. He loves the attention and the s**.

    Disappointing that his wife is unwilling to show him the same.

  • Obligated? Is that the excuse he used? Please.. he would be obligated to them divorced or married. He will be paying regardless... If he really wanted to leave his wife and kids, he would have by now. But he's not because well why should he? He's sleeping with you and his wife. And if he says he isn't, he's lying. You don't and will never know what is really happening in their marriage, except for he and his wife. He will tell you what he wants you to know. Plus you do realize.. let's say he did leave his wife..those kids will always be priority over you. You will always be last on his list. And if you think he'll be faithful to you.. you're wrong. But if you want to waste your time with a married man, because you can't get a single guy.. it's your life. What do you tell your friends and family about this guy? Must be a shining moment in your life that you're dating a married man... #lifegoals.

  • There are kids involved if he left he would end up resenting you for it. What you have may be amazing but he's not yours to keep.

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