Not Random

Missing you.
I do always you know that.
Eagerness in heart remains but mind blocks all.
Just a call away but it feels like moving mountains to press the buttons.
I stare blankly on the keypad,numbers circle on head yet .....
I sit in silence and write my thoughts addressing the sky.
So many things I read here and there that's heartbreaking but I do know there is nothing to be done ...
It's doomed from the start.
Without accepting there is no way out.
Who knows who is behind the screen ..
You are far away from my reach nothing I can do to bring you close to me...
Only words remain at the end of the day and roaming in vicious cycle..
I don't know how you are wish you all happiness...
My thoughts are mine and for true I burn everyday for your touch and it will end with my last breath only..

Sep 3, 2016

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  • I wish you all the luck, love and happiness.

  • To my dear beloved,
    If you ever stumble across this message, I hope you know that your thoughts are reciprocated. I love you and miss you. No time or space can make me forget you. I am always with you in spirit and just knowing you are here in the physical, makes my life worthwhile. Please be happy and at peace for I know without any doubts, that you and I will one day reunite. I have faith.
    Godspeed xxx

  • Merry Christmas to you too.

    Feel Safe .

  • I loveeeeeee you ,just love you my dear.

  • Sending you all the love inside me.

  • Full not received some quota missing I want it all :)

  • I wont mind to become selfish :)

  • I do feel and you should know I only want to feel your love not any crisscrossing .It scares me to core when thoughts of chasing mirage comes into mind.

  • I love and miss you too and you very well know it ..

  • Stay calm ,be happy and keep glowing.

  • I am not convinced it's with my person I interacted ...the vibes made me come here but now I think it's time to quit...
    I tried heart n soul that's my consolation but saddest part that will always remain is never it was enuf...
    I failed and lost in every way ...
    Wish you all happiness...

  • The last time we spoke was by glass doors.

  • If that makes any sense...please find a way to let me know in the real world. X

  • Sense????? My foot you have confused yourself and made me a fool and misled everything..

  • I dont know what needs to be done ,It hurts tremendously to cocoon myself but your retreating inspires me to think you dont need me in real terms.I Trust I am loved no doubt i have or else i couldnt walk such long distance but the way you keep yourself unavaliable hurts me much.It compels me to think your are comfortable in this world not in real terms.But i dont prefer talking to walls without knowing who I am speaking to and telling things that is so very close to me heart.
    Both online yet silence remain who wins other than ego no one,what we get pain and burning what we lose our smiles and refreshing relief.
    But I cant change your thought process i surrender ..Past should be past if one wants to walk forward but if one prefers to compare then what will i say its better i take away my presence from your life.
    Nothing i think is left to be given or made it clear from my side what i wish and want but that is not enough for you it made me feel.
    if you ever feel to just reach out i am ,and i will always be there for you waiting and gladly smiling to have you back in my arms.

  • My desire to connect with you is stronger than my ego.
    I do need you in real terms. That's all I've desired. Give me the tiniest poke in the real world... and I'll gladly surrender. I would do it right this minute.

  • Why can't you do the same.What stops you.

  • Send an email to the real me... even just saying hello... But contact me now so that I know it's you. I'll gladly smash my ego. X

  • Loving you always I wait to hear what your heart has to say.Trust me the unspoken words that I hear make me fall in love everyday...

  • My heart is bursting to tell you so much. X

  • My heart erupted last few days had to allow it cause it was piercing me too bad.
    Can't love anyone else though I understand I &you can't ever be WE..
    now am hurting bad for paining a soul ,like a kid I behaved insensitive,..
    Sorry is nt d proper word it's becoming a game I repeat I apologize so if from heart I feel sorry I will apologize then but trust I do know I am wrong in hurting,its pure selfish way of finding relief to pain accusing other who might not even have an inkling how my thoughts are flowing..
    A tight hug with purest form of love...

  • You know am yours only love me the way you want whole being awaits you make me melt into you..craving you

  • I missed my share of sunshine today

  • I get too damn nervous. I have no idea how to handle the situation so I talk a lot about nothing. Hiding myself. My nerves kill the spark. I care so much but the elephant in the room is making me act in an affected way. I'm sorry I gave you a hard time today. I think you're amazing. I won't explain why here. If those things are said they should only be said in person. I do wish we could change environment once ( something about the atmosphere makes me uneasy) have a drink and see what happens. If you ever wanted to... I'd do it in a heartbeat. Today... I put too much pressure on myself. I need to let go of expectations. I need to calm my mind. I love you. I crave you... for the record I was daydreaming know that though. :) When I have the time I'll write a confession in the adult section. :) Btw instinct tells me we have a mutual acquaintance. I understand what you said today... It hurt... But I'm letting go. You have my love though. Always. Xxxxxx

  • I really craved your physical presence today. Love to you. Xxx

  • You only have the power to make me blush with your magical touch my heart turns to you xoxo

  • ?.?

  • All Greek

  • Love you missing you too much

  • Love is all I feel only about you don't keep any doubts about that.
    The frustrations do come out at times because I can't console my heart.xoxo.
    But by now you should have been convinced parting away can't be our call..

  • I want to step closer. I've not given up. :) xxxx

  • Also ...I don't want to regret. This feels too important for that. I'm lost as to how to approach it though. It would be such a relief to just say everything. My deepest love to you. Xoxoxo

  • I hv never stopped you from opening out rather would embrace your thoughts ,you know it better than me

  • I promise to share them with you in person. :) Missing you.

  • Missing you love

  • For that you need to be with me :)
    once in awhile comes every year once and I don't know whether frequency can be raised or not ....ya.... confused

  • I'm one step closer, it takes all of me to not run to you now,

  • I'd love that more than anything...

  • Each deep sigh makes me realize I miss you crazy.

  • I'm actually very intense with the people I care about. I don't let people in easily though. I try and protect my vulnerability. You have no idea how much I long to let you fully in. I enjoy being tickled by your touch. I love those moments when I can feel and hear your heart. They make me greedy for you. I want to be held by you more than anything.

  • You never let in I agree yet I could read your vulnerability ...what to say about this I can feel your eagerness ienjoy your longing I know you realised everything and I truly say I am immensely happy to know am loved love me more than you express and I get them all...

  • You bring out a very private part of me. I can feel your raw emotions when you write. Yes, I do burn with far more love than I admit or could ever express adequately in words. Hungering for you... Xxx

  • Your x-ray eyes and x-ray mind makes me fall in love with you all over again..I don't have the power to deny the truth your love flows in my veins..

  • ^3^

  • You know I don't give up I truly wish to see my hand on yours one day

  • ???xox

  • I'd love that. Xxxx

    I wrote in another language and the question marks came up instead. :o

  • :):)

  • I do,i did u know it but yes I hold back because I think you love words like "once in a blue moon "
    Reaching out feathery touch you always feel my heart says so...
    I cherish yours too..

  • I'd love for you to reach out to me in person... even if its only the lightest touch.
    I want to be as natural as possible. Over thinking made me nervous before. I'm working on letting go and being open. I hold back because I don't want to be pushy. I'll knock in a heartbeat if you want me to. All my love xoxo

  • But I don't know what to do without connecting I can't stay away ..I do feel sometimes it's misfire yet I can't keep myself away from reaching out..The truth is I can't stay away from you..when direct seems uphill through ether I have learnt to feel the beat ...I found you through this yet the risk of messing out do stay and I can't ignore the risk...Tell me what should I do I feel helpless...

  • My head is reeling ,a lump in the throat I feel standing on a confused ground too much for a take... Dream is turning like misfired nightmare ..that's too scary ..I only want to look into your eyes and hold your hand...

  • I'd like that as well. I want to hold your hand and calm your mind. It's confusing talking on here.

  • It burns for me too. There is so much I want to say.
    I love to read your words... but I long to break the barrier in the real world as well.
    I want to give you relief.I know I've retreated inside myself often. I don't want to run from you anymore. If you knew how much love I feel...

  • Am waiting and wanting since ages

  • Reach out any time. You'll find me pliable to your touch.

  • I want to touch you, hold you, mold you. I believe in you. I can't wait for you to relieve my longing.

  • When will that auspicious time the time flowing towards it...

  • Time is flowing ever forward and perhaps Autumn will be the season of us.

  • Fall I come always
    Made to Retreat after
    Winter makes me frozen
    Waiting continues.
    Spring brings dreams
    Summer burning heats up
    In rain my tears mixed
    I smile with the advent of fall again.
    Yet always waiting
    While time flows
    Me standing....

  • It can all change overnight. With the leaves changing will come a change in our lives. Before you know it the air will be crisp and I will be holding your hand in mittens around an open fire.

  • Come to me all of me awaits you it would be my pleasure to break free and enjoy freedom while riding the waves of insanity.Come to me I will show you how blissful love can be

  • I always love to come to you it brings me immense pleasure but do you really understand how inside everything burns cos I can't truly express really what I want.I know it's crazy to wish and want to be with you always . Don't take it otherwise though no harm I will bring to you.Never I can think of anything like that.You are my precious beat and i can't live without you.In my words you are mine nothing can take you far from me here in my world.Real world I don't predict it hurt me bad every time I thought of taking a sigh of relief in your arms you have taken away urself from me but here you don't have that power here am free like a rippling Brook.I love I smile I cry everything I do I do it only for you and with won't ever understand truly how much I love ..

  • (.)

  • I'd love to be tightly wrapped up in your embrace now. Your willing prisoner.

  • Just wanna hold you ,wanna hug you tight and say am there with you only don't feel alone ,don't feel depressed soon will be take good care of yourself..

  • I long to feel your warmth beside me... To be consumed by your body... Thinking of you...

  • You are in my thoughts too,holding you strong than before , cuddling you and sharing your pain truly want to give you relief... love always with kisses on your eyes...

  • I want to sit on your lap.... snuggle against your green cardigan... and feel your arms around me as I tell you things. :)

  • If only someday your want becomes truly your need then that day you will truly understand how small things matter...
    How it can make or break....want should be real need truly ...then only you can think of next level or else its all same not progressive..

  • Need v want... always an interesting question.
    I know small things matter. I'm scared of some of my needs... Afraid of showing them...
    I can hardly admit them to myself...
    You've inspired me to sit down with myself and think about my needs.

  • I hv inspired many things ,I hv done many things to bring a change in you ,you are lucky for that you feel because you met me...I have heard things like ths n number of times.. now again I hv given another food for thought to you research then...but jst to let u know I am same as I was and will remain same in years to come...but somewhere I will be always alone,lonely,unfulfilled always....

  • I didn't actually say that!! I went through a damn intense situation in my past ... which makes it intensely difficult to let go. I've not told one single person about what happened to me. My heart is dying to reach out... I sometimes fear that you'll bite me if I do... And I honestly can't take that right now. I'm not at all tough at the moment. Yes, I feel a deep pull towards you, a deep need for you, a desire to comfort you... I wish I could just go up to you and completely surrender my heart, body and mind to you...but fear of being hurt truly holds me back. Love....

  • Now I think enuf of this game is being played.. every alternate second makes me think I misfired...I know not to whom I have bared my heart,my wish but I don't regret though..I loved with all purity of my heart ,I have made known about my love in whatever way I could but still I feel some where I have read wrong and made blunders cos certain things don't my love I say until my last breath I will only love you..wish things were different easy and normal for us ....
    I am sorry to any soul if my connections crossed with any other loving soul...
    To you I say close your eyes once and think if you truly feel you are loved and get goosebumps with the thought that I won't be there anymore in your life will you really miss me , will that make you feel as if you can't breathe...I don't know the answer will be there always in my life.... whether you reach out or not,whether you deny all my wishes I will love you. Still...

  • I wish things were simpler as well. The thought of you not being there feels so painful. You can't understand how much I crave to reach out. I only desire to grant your fulfill all the little things that make you happy. You are the one I truly want to surrender to.
    If I seem cold ( you know how protective I am) its because i'm terrified of how you make me feel... the things you make me long for. I'm scared because you're leaving. I can only say that I'll be truly disappointed in myself if I don't find the courage to reach out.

  • Let me be a bit blunt sometimes you make me feel your pride is much stronger than your will die thinking every second but still won't reach out ...
    I know you won't ever reach out,never you did before never you will in future also...
    Many times you have given me a feeling of taken for granted as others know deep down I will knock you can wait but won't step forward.
    Do you ever realize how it hurts.
    What is this love if you don't want to get in touch ,you say you care is this caring...I doubt
    Do you think I will ruin my identity and invite trouble again,do I not give you confidence ...
    If you have faced hard times in past I have not walked bed of roses either.yet I reached had that courage cos I loved even many a times It was humiliating...a courtesy answer also not received..then is it true if you care you are screwed ..
    I think simple if you love you have to care,communicate and solve issues walking hand in hand..
    My thinking might be backdated I don't have poetic talent to paint my emotions..
    I believe actions and words should walk together...
    Anyways never wanted to be such direct ..
    You know what I feel and what I want..
    I don't want to force anything I accepted long time back that even if I leave this world you won't try to know about my absence...
    After everything still my heart will love only you...
    Sometimes I do feel why? Where I failed to give you confidence th at I truly love and want to be with you at least few precious time that can ease the burning a little...
    Anyways stay happy stay blessed you are loved by all...

  • I hear you. I'm processing what you said. I'm sorry I make you feel that way. :(
    I don't verbalize much... It hurts internally though. I actually take things seriously inside despite my light persona. The situation I experienced was nothing to do with love or relationships. I agree. We've all been hurt in love. We have to be brave and keep believing though. The saddest thing is losing that childlike innocence towards love. I always admire when someone has both innocence and experience.

    My feelings remain the same. I feel something deeply special for you. It's you my heart yearns for. I'd love to connect in a real tangible way. I need that. I agree 100% that words have no meaning unless they are backed up by actions. It can feel tumultuous and confusing on here. I need some calm to give my best. I'm sorry if I didn't give you my hand when you wanted it. It's yours if you ever do. Anyway... it doesn't have to be so complicated. Closing my eyes and imagining what it would be like to fully give all of myself to you. I long for that. I wish I was with you now. Sending all my love to you. Xxxx

  • I must sleep. I'll answer this as very soon as I can. Love to you no matter what. X

  • P.S a clue... last time you asked who would take responsibility.

  • I want to sit on your lap.... snuggle against your green cardigan... and feel your arms around me as I tell you things. :)

  • You are so beautiful and I think of holding you all the time. Please come to me soon!

  • I'm here. Quietly burning for you. I wish you would reach out to me. I don't want to respond too much in writing because it might take away my courage in person. I end up disappearing inside my head. You mean far more to me than I'll admit here.
    By the way... You said you don't want to smile as much...
    but I love seeing your slightly crooked front teeth when you do. Damn, they make me want to kiss you. Missing you....

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