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Not Random
Missing you.
I do always you know that.
Eagerness in heart remains but mind blocks all.
Just a call away but it feels like moving mountains to press the buttons.
I stare blankly on the keypad,numbers circle on head yet .....
I sit in silence and write my thoughts addressing the sky.
So many things I read here and there that's heartbreaking but I do know there is nothing to be done ...
It's doomed from the start.
Without accepting there is no way out.
Who knows who is behind the screen ..
You are far away from my reach nothing I can do to bring you close to me...
Only words remain at the end of the day and roaming in vicious cycle..
I don't know how you are wish you all happiness...
My thoughts are mine and for true I burn everyday for your touch and it will end with my last breath only..
Xoxo
I didn't actually say that!! I went through a ** intense situation in my past ... which makes it intensely difficult to let go. I've not told one single person about what happened to me. My heart is dying to reach out... I sometimes fear that you'll bite me if I do... And I honestly can't take that right now. I'm not at all tough at the moment. Yes, I feel a deep pull towards you, a deep need for you, a desire to comfort you... I wish I could just go up to you and completely surrender my heart, body and mind to you...but fear of being hurt truly holds me back. Love....
Now I think enuf of this game is being played.. every alternate second makes me think I misfired...I know not to whom I have bared my heart,my wish but I don't regret though..I loved with all purity of my heart ,I have made known about my love in whatever way I could but still I feel some where I have read wrong and made blunders cos certain things don't match..to my love I say until my last breath I will only love you..wish things were different easy and normal for us ....
I am sorry to any soul if my connections crossed with any other loving soul...
To you I say close your eyes once and think if you truly feel you are loved and get goosebumps with the thought that I won't be there anymore in your life will you really miss me , will that make you feel as if you can't breathe...I don't know the answer ....you will be there always in my life.... whether you reach out or not,whether you deny all my wishes I will love you. Still...
I wish things were simpler as well. The thought of you not being there feels so painful. You can't understand how much I crave to reach out. I only desire to grant your wishes...to fulfill all the little things that make you happy. You are the one I truly want to surrender to.
If I seem cold ( you know how protective I am) its because i'm terrified of how you make me feel... the things you make me long for. I'm scared because you're leaving. I can only say that I'll be truly disappointed in myself if I don't find the courage to reach out.
P.S a clue... last time you asked who would take responsibility.
Let me be a bit blunt sometimes you make me feel your pride is much stronger than your feelings.you will die thinking every second but still won't reach out ...
I know you won't ever reach out,never you did before never you will in future also...
Many times you have given me a feeling of taken for granted as others do..you know deep down I will knock you can wait but won't step forward.
Do you ever realize how it hurts.
What is this love if you don't want to get in touch ,you say you care is this caring...I doubt
Do you think I will ruin my identity and invite trouble again,do I not give you confidence ...
If you have faced hard times in past I have not walked bed of roses either.yet I reached had that courage cos I loved even many a times It was humiliating...a courtesy answer also not received..then is it true if you care you are screwed ..
I think simple if you love you have to care,communicate and solve issues walking hand in hand..
My thinking might be backdated I don't have poetic talent to paint my emotions..
I believe actions and words should walk together...
Anyways never wanted to be such direct ..
You know what I feel and what I want..
I don't want to force anything I accepted long time back that even if I leave this world you won't try to know about my absence...
After everything still my heart will love only you...
Sometimes I do feel why? Where I failed to give you confidence th at I truly love and want to be with you at least few precious time that can ease the burning a little...
Anyways stay happy stay blessed you are loved by all...
I must sleep. I'll answer this as very soon as I can. Love to you no matter what. X
I hear you. I'm processing what you said. I'm sorry I make you feel that way. :(
I don't verbalize much... It hurts internally though. I actually take things seriously inside despite my light persona. The situation I experienced was nothing to do with love or relationships. I agree. We've all been hurt in love. We have to be brave and keep believing though. The saddest thing is losing that childlike innocence towards love. I always admire when someone has both innocence and experience.
My feelings remain the same. I feel something deeply special for you. It's you my heart yearns for. I'd love to connect in a real tangible way. I need that. I agree 100% that words have no meaning unless they are backed up by actions. It can feel tumultuous and confusing on here. I need some calm to give my best. I'm sorry if I didn't give you my hand when you wanted it. It's yours if you ever do. Anyway... it doesn't have to be so complicated. Closing my eyes and imagining what it would be like to fully give all of myself to you. I long for that. I wish I was with you now. Sending all my love to you. Xxxx