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Not Random
Missing you.
I do always you know that.
Eagerness in heart remains but mind blocks all.
Just a call away but it feels like moving mountains to press the buttons.
I stare blankly on the keypad,numbers circle on head yet .....
I sit in silence and write my thoughts addressing the sky.
So many things I read here and there that's heartbreaking but I do know there is nothing to be done ...
It's doomed from the start.
Without accepting there is no way out.
Who knows who is behind the screen ..
You are far away from my reach nothing I can do to bring you close to me...
Only words remain at the end of the day and roaming in vicious cycle..
I don't know how you are wish you all happiness...
My thoughts are mine and for true I burn everyday for your touch and it will end with my last breath only..
Xoxo
I'm no longer sure whom I'm talking to on here. Some of the words and their timing have precisely matched conversations in the real world... But I've also definitely taken it too far and misfired at times. I'm sorry to have given anyone false hope. I'm exhausted. It's definitely time to stop writing I should have only confessed my feelings in the real world. This is no way to communicate. I long to hear him so I keep coming back. I've done everything in the wrong way. To the man I love... I only yearned to treat you like my king.I still do. I'm sorry for any pain I've caused. I wanted to let go for a moment with you and have fun.... And see... I still believe that there is something incredibly special there. I let pride and fear ( mostly fear) get in the way... I feel neither pride or fear at this point... Just total confusion. I feel embarrassed to admit it but.. I've always needed stability, guidance and someone more dominant than me to thrive in romantic relationships. I hide that need from the majority because its a vulnerable part of myself.I've had difficulty accepting that its the way I am. This place is bringing out instability in me. I know that you think I won't knock...but I will find a way... No matter what the answer is... I just need to acknowledge what my heart is feeling at this point.
I am sorry too for fuelling the confusion ...wish you get your man...