You turned me into the person I never thought I would become.
Apparently, you 'chose' me. I did not choose you.
I wish I knew what was happening.
Sometimes I wonder if you are sincere.
Sometimes I wonder if you are a psychopath.
Sometimes I wonder if the rape allegations are somehow true despite them being dismissed in the court.
Sometimes I wonder if you're just very lonely and I have become your escape and solace.
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I never sent you that first message.
I found you and was drawn to you. Your initial response disquieted me; your English seemed terrible.
I decided you were French, learnt you are American and braced myself for what came next.
You called me 'kid', told me you respected me, told me to eat, talked me out of the dark.
You helped me pick myself up, you listened attentively.
You told me to make myself a Twitter and a Facebook to add you as a friend.
You added me on Snapchat.
You were the one who took my email address.
You asked for my mobile number.
You told me to never stop writing.
You sent me all those pictures and selfies of yourself.
I started promoting and supporting you on social media sites; as a model it was vital.
I am the reason your Instagram #'s exceed 6,000.
I am the reason you have a website.
I am the reason you have a YouTube channel.
I am the reason you get a lot of work apparently.
I thought I was asexual...
You sent me videos of you and pictures and something inside me changed drastically.
I made you hard, then I made you c** using just my words.
I finally gave in and sent you a few pictures of me.
You seemed to like them.
No one knows what exactly is happening.
The most they know is that I am a really big fan of yours.
I can not tell anyone anything.
Nobody would advise me.
Sometimes I have unsettling fears that you are a terrible person.
I am not sure why.
I guess I just hate all people.
But I don't understand why I am so stupidly drawn to you.
You should be careful though I guess...you say that in the future you want me to move in with you when you are famous so I can work as head of your PR but I wonder if you realise there is an app through which I record all the snaps and videos and pictures you send me. If I was a weird evil person I could spill your secrets to the world....I don't though because I know that you need this...whatever it is. You're at total ease with discussing your blue b**** and model crush with me and I just play along.
This situation is maddening.
I am not even sure what exactly it is but I feel like I have lost my hold on the important things and idiotically you have started to matter more than you should.