POINTLESS

I have to sleep later than I usually do bcs I have an assignment to finish. Then my parents call me from they room to scold me blah blah blah and make me feel like everything I am doing is wrong. They tell me that I dont study hard like actually study hard when the truth is I could sleep 7 hours straight but only use up 4 hours to use the 3 hours left to review or kinda refresh the past notes and lessons I've written. I just feel so sad and angry that no matter what I do, my parents are just never gonna realize my efforts to impress them and let me be myself and declare my plans for my future and how I want my life to be. They always tell me thay my efforts are lacking and I always need to work on this and that or be like this or like that — nothing is enough. I'm starting to feel tired of all of this and sometimes I just want to drink my perfume and sleep so that this ** could end. But I dont want to do that because I'll just make things worse and I dont want people to judge my family because of what I did just to save myself from this **. I have a younger brother and I dont want him to think of suicide as a way to escape the sad reality that we can never be enough for our parents. Everything I do is pointless, until my parents agree with it and like it.

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